10 Guidelines for Recognizing Trust

Paris Hilton was considered to be the most untrustworthy celeb from a recent poll. Others who also scored low were Charlie Sheen, Britney Spears, Kanye West, Tiger Woods, Kim Kardashian, MEL Gibson, Donald Trump and former California governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It is interesting how the stars mentioned above, although they are rich and famous, rate so low in the public’s eyes when it comes to trust. Trust like distrust is earned.

I wondered, even though I agree with the poll, why most believed them to be untrustworthy. I decided that they had at least two things in common: They had made stupid statements or had done something stupid or both.

Some celebs seem to work hard at making us not to trust them by the stupid things they say and do.

Much about trust is first learning to be trustworthy ourselves and being able to trust ourselves and our core values.

“As soon as you trust yourself,” wrote Goethe, “you will know how to live.” “To discern between people who might save your life and those who might ruin it, you must be reliable, honest—in a word, trustworthy—toward yourself. And we do this far less often than most people realize.” Martha Beck

The inner mechanism of discernment

Infants are wired to trust unconditionally the adults that are responsible for their care; they have no choice but to depend on them. If the adults are trustworthy, then they instill the right concept of trust into the infant and as they begin to mature, the inner mechanism of discernment is in good working order. Thus as they grow older they can depend on this discernment mechanism to guide them in the choices they make and particularly of whom to trust and whom not to trust.

The problem that often occurs in the early life of the infant is that their caretakers are not trustworthy, therefore it clouds the discernment mechanism and only what has been programmed by the untrustworthy caretakers is available to make the valuable decision on whom to trust. The infant grows up confused and really unable to discern and will often accept that person who cannot be trusted as trusted.

Even those with a healthy discernment mechanism often cloud it with untruth or by choosing to be untrustworthy themselves. It is actually a state of denial, denying what is known to be true and accepting a lie instead. This is brought about in part by conditioning which can be the result of the environment in which a person was raised or the indoctrination of their family or friends or even what a person has chosen to believe on their own. The result is their understanding of trust and mistrust is distorted and the ability to make solid decisions is altered.

If this your case and you have been wondering why it is that you never seem to make the right choices in people, or life just doesn’t seem to work, or relationships constantly fail, then you need to consider getting in touch with your inner self and reconditioning your discernment mechanism.

Our discernment feeds on the logical information we give it, or others have led us to believe, too discern truth and untruth, what is good for us or what is bad, who to trust and who not to trust.

Therefore revamping requires getting the faulty information out and putting the correct information in. Below are just some of the criteria that may be helpful in discerning who to trust who not to trust:

10 Guidelines for Recognizing Trust

• Lifestyle
• Credibility
• Credit rating
• Reputation
• Language
• Actions
• Associates
• Dress
• Career
• Faith

There are of course exceptions to any one of the above mentioned but when taken together they can give some positive input to make a solid decision as how or how not to trust someone.

Lifestyle:

When a person lives a flamboyant lifestyle and is viewed as a playboy or playgirl, there may be reason not to fully trust them. This of course is not always the case but certainly a consideration. Lifestyle says a lot about a person concerning their values. It is to be taken into consideration as to whether you put your trust in a person or not.

Credibility:

Credibility is earned. It usually says that there are at least a lot of people who trust an individual. This is because that person has a proven track record. Credibility usually takes time to develop but when it is, it can be an asset. It is indeed a guiding quality on whether a person can be trusted or not.

Credit rating (do they pay their bills)

The higher the credit rating, the more trust as a general rule. When the United States lost their AAA credit rating it was not a good thing in the eyes of the world. It meant that the United States could not be trusted as much as before. I realize that trustworthy people have lost their good credit rating because of events that they could not control but if a person has a bad credit because they won’t pay their bills, then it speaks for itself.

Reputation:

If a person has a reputation for not being trustworthy it is usually for good reason. Someone who is habitually late gives the impression that they cannot be trusted in the fundamental things therefore just maybe they are not to be trusted in the more serious matters of life either.

Language (what they say)

A person who is known to be a liar cannot be trusted. Most people are untruthful at times but a liar is generally always untruthful. It is sad in our day and time that lying has become more and more common. It really is hard today to know when to believe most anyone. If a person lies then how can they be trusted? The answer is simple, they can’t unconditionally.

People are often judged to be full of hot air because of the unbelievable tales they tell. Talking too much sometimes can be considered as hot air.

Personal development is a process of learning to be trusted by what we say and how we say it among other things. Being transparent in all we do and say gives others room to relax in our presence and be assured that we have their best interest at heart.

How many times have you heard some public figure apologizing for some stupid statement that they made? They can apologize all day long but the public is smart enough to know that what they said is really coming from deep inside and is based on personal prejudices or core beliefs.

Actions:

Nothing speaks louder than actions. That is how Paris Hilton and all the rest of the celebs above earned their reputation of untrustworthiness. When anyone goes about doing things that say…look at me how stupid I am…it will always cause people not to trust them. I think it is safe to say the most people will never trust Kanye West again simply because of just one stupid act when he ran on stage and offended a young girl, Taylor Swift. Is just one act enough to determine what kind of person a person really is? No, but in the eyes of many it may be, especially if that person is a public figure.

Most people earn their reputation of untrustworthiness by a stream of actions. A person who is always late for appointments whether formal or casual is usually not to be trusted in other matters either.

People’s past actions are a good meter for predicting how they will respond in most other situations. If a person is a Narcissist who backstabs all their other friends, you can be pretty assured that they also backstab you when you are not present. If you catch a friend in a lie, you can predict that they will lie to you also in other matters.

We can trust people to do what they have been doing therefore we have a way to protect ourselves with our knowledge of them.

If someone you know is heard lying to someone else or mistreating them, that is a clue as to what you can expect of them in the future. We can’t excuse that sort of behavior by thinking that they meant well; it is a character flaw.

It is possible to become so used to a certain type behavior that we begin to think it is the expected norm and that everyone is doing it, which is a deception. Even though a lot of people lie, it is not the expected norm. Actions that are dishonest or immoral are never the expected norm even though a lot of people may be doing it.

Associates:

Choosing the right friends and associates is everything in building a reputation of trust. People are judged by the company they keep. It is always best to choose associates that are above yourself in personal development because they will tend to pull you up to their standard rather than down to a lower standard.

If you want to be rich, hang with those who are rich and learn from them. If you want to be a better person, hang with better people. The crowd you run with usually predicts where you are going to reside.

Dress:

If a woman wants to be considered a whore, all she needs to do is dress like one, whether she is or not is no longer the issue in the eyes of others; all they see is how she looks and draw their opinion from that. If having trust is not something that matters to you, then it may not matter how you dress, otherwise it is extremely important.

The style of boys wearing their pants below their bottom conveys an image and it is not one of trust. Immodest clothing for women speaks strongly whether or not it is accurate.

Appropriate dress for an occasion speaks loudly also. An example, while wearing black to a funeral is no longer expected, conservative dress is. Loud colors are unacceptable. We dress appropriately to show our respect for those who have lost a love one.

Wearing a suit and tie is becoming less expected but there are still occasions where it is expected and to do less show some disrespect and invites and image of mistrust.

Career:

If a medical doctor chooses a career of running an abortion clinic, while it may be very lucrative and lawful and perhaps in his mind a needed service, it does not convey trust. Lawyers in general are mistrusted even though there are some who can be trusted. It has become a career stigma that lawyers can’t be trusted. Could it be because the profession as a whole has earned it?

Once again if trust is not an issue then it may not matter. It matters to me because I want others to see me as a person that they can trust. My mission in life requires it because my mission is to help others to be trustworthy through personal development.

I also believe the true purpose and a meaningful life require trust. Being a good father or mother requires trust. Being a good husband or wife requires trust. An employee needs to trust their employer and vice versa. Parishioners need to trust their pastor and the list goes on.

Faith:

While being a person of faith is not considered as an exclusive for trust, it certainly can be a measure in determining trust.

Many of the forefathers of this great nation were men of faith. The men who formed the constitution were men of faith in general. Two were ministers of the gospel.

When it comes to rules there are exceptions and this one is no different. Yes I have known more than a few who paraded under the banner of faith but proved themselves not to be trusted. The above are guidelines only and healthy discernment must be also applied to really determine who you can trust and who you can’t.

Conclusion:

Trusting others is a matter of building up a repertoire or an inner sensitivity to what to look for and what to expect of others. The point is not to trust those who have proven already to you that they cannot be trusted. And also take care when you are determining who you can trust to not be naive and gullible. Trust is important and being a trusting person is a worthy goal for anyone. Knowing who to trust and who not to trust is also an accomplishment that can bring far less pain and trouble into your life and produce within yourself a reliable way to determine who you can trust your welfare to and who to avoid.

I have great confidence in the progress you are going to make.

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