10 Things That Can keep Your Life From Mattering!
“There’ll be two dates on your tombstone and all your friends will read ’em, but all that’s gonna matter is that little dash between ’em.” –Kelvin Welch
It’s true that life is but a dash between birth and death. The Scripture says that life is like a vapor that lingers only for a little while and then quickly vanishes away, James 4:13-15. However, that little dash of time truly does matter…Your Life Matters! We may live like life doesn’t matter at all, but the truth is that each day and each encounter with the people we meet does matter. First, we need to understand that there are some ingrained beliefs that hinder and can take the “matter” right out of life. I’ll list ten common ones, but there are many; perhaps there may be others in your life that you need to weed out along with some of these:
1. I was poor and considered trash by the important people of my town.
2. I’ve always been unlucky and bad things will always happen to me.
3. I’m ugly and overweight, and no one can stand the sight of me.
4. I don’t count myself worthy of the respect of others.
5. My family was all losers, so that is all I can expect also.
6. I’m not as smart as a lot of people.
7. I try hard but never seem to accomplish much.
8. I feel guilty for some bad things I’ve done, and I’ll never be forgiven.
9. My true self is not good enough, so I try always to cover up who I am.
10. I have no one who truly cares for me, and I always feel so alone.
There are so many negative, ingrained, fixed beliefs that we can harbor in life that reduces life’s meaning to near zero, and give you a false impression of your station in life and cause you to think that you don’t matter. According to Dr. Phil “Fixed beliefs go with you everywhere you go and are basic to every part of your life. They influence every value you have, your perception of your basic worth as a human being, your core traits and characteristics. They tell you where your boundaries are. They contain your expectations of what ought to happen in your life. Whether the issue is your relationship with the opposite sex, your fulfillment in the working world, or your interaction with your children or spouse, your fixed beliefs exert a powerful influence.” [1]. Do an objective search in your life to see how your fixed beliefs, which cause you to think you don’t matter, are affecting your view of life, and then take steps to rid yourself of all those which are negative and false.
I saw this on a wall plaque on an office wall: “We all have our ups and downs in life, and life has no guarantees, but each day of life is a precious gift from God.” If each day of life is indeed a precious gift from God, which it is, then we should enter each day with the thought of making it matter as best we can. Perhaps you’re thinking…easier said than done. It isn’t easy, nor is anything else easy that is important.
Understand that your fixed beliefs are so designed to keep you in your self-perceived place in life. They rule out creative thinking of how you may change and make changes. They demand you keep within the status quos and not to make any waves, and just to mind your own business and to let others do the same if they will. They tell you that you don’t matter and that you can’t do anything worthwhile, so why even try.
There is a gross misunderstanding as to what constitutes a life that matters. It’s commonly believed that life only matters when you make a lot of money and are recognized by a lot of people. In other words, only movie stars, athletes, the ultra rich and politicians live lives that matter and others are only peons.
I have this preacher in mind that pastored a small country church and was only known in his community. For years, he served selflessly helping each individual who passed his way. When finally he came to the end of his life, there was standing room only at the little church he pastored. People who passed his coffin for the final view had tears in their eyes, and seemingly a never ending line of people proclaimed how he had impacted their lives. He was never rich, never was widely known, but his life mattered because he had served others and impacted their lives for the good.
Recently a story of a policeman in New York City was highlighted in the news for a virtuous deed he did for a homeless man. On a cold, wintry night, he paid a $100 for a pair of boots and gave them to a homeless man who was barefooted and cold. The only reason he was noted for his selfless deed was that a tourist caught it on film and was so impressed that they made it a news item; otherwise it would have gone un-noticed. Ironically the same homeless man was seen later barefoot again even though he had a $100 pair of boots. He explained that he hid the boots because he was afraid someone would take his life just for the expensive boots. What makes life matter the most is the things we do that makes life better for others, but is that what we commonly see happen? It often is the opposite, like the fear of the homeless man, that some have the intent to do harm to others in order to get what they want regardless of what it costs their victim.
Your life matters far more than you could have ever imagined. Each of us impacts the lives of those around us for either the good or the bad. I’ve tried to think of four or five people that have impacted my life the most. One was my pastor during my young adult life. Although I only talked with him one time, because the church was exceedingly large, his influence on me was great because of his sermons and especially because of the kind of person he was. He of course never knew, but neither do we always know how we have influenced others, but influence them we have.
I’m also thinking of another person from my past that never caused me anything but misery. She never, ever had one positive influence on my life. I dreaded anytime I had to be around her. She rarely had any decent thing to say to me; it was always negative and condescending. This was the way she was around others also. She led their poor husband a dog’s life and I’m sure when the he died, not so long ago, he was glad finally to get away from her. She is one of the few people I’ve known in my life, in my opinion, who mattered thoroughly for the wrong reasons. God help you and me never to be like her, but instead to matter in a way that considers the welfare and needs of others and not their hurt.
Conclusion
Each person has a God given purpose that matters during their short stay on earth. Finding that purpose and pursuing it with all our energy is the way to live a life that matters. Being successful, making a lot of money and being well known and respected isn’t a dishonourable thing, but it doesn’t necessarily involve being a caring, loving person who truly lives a life that matters. The Bible says, “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:26. To paraphrase what that verse means: You may gain everything else in life but what genuinely counts and that is living a life that matters. What are you going to exchange for a life that matters?
[1] Self Matters, Phillip C. McGraw, PHD