Controlling the tongue
“Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.” James 3:5-6 KJV
The best advice on earth concerning the use of the tongue is found in the Bible book of the Proverbs. King Solomon, is given credit for writing or gathering the Proverbs. Solomon is recognized for being the wisest man who ever lived. His wisdom was granted to him by the Lord. Here is his wise advice on the use of the tongue:
“The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain;
the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.” Proverbs 10:11
“Gentle words are a tree of life;
a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” 15:4
“Some people make cutting remarks,
but the words of the wise bring healing.” 12:18″A gentle answer
deflects anger,“A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words make tempers flare.” 15: 1-2
“The tongue can bring death or life;
those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” 18:21
“The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking;
the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.” 15:28
“The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing,
but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.” 15:1-2
– Verses from the New Living Testament. (NLV)
Here is a very true quote: “Tongue is incredibly hard to tame. All kinds of wild animals have been tamed but the tongue is the most difficult and problems causing organ in the human body so to speak.” [1]
I just read this today on the Internet: “Georgetown Law professor is fired after saying black students are ‘plain at bottom of her class almost every semester’ and her colleague is suspended for failing to correct her after they accidentally recorded their zoom chat.” This is a matter of a someone’s personal opinion, but is not appropriate to demean anyone with derogatory words, words which have a mean intent. If they do their best, what makes the difference if they are at the top of their class or at the bottom.
I also read on the news recently that Neera Tanden was forced to withdraw her nomination for consideration of a Cabinet position, in the Biden administration, because of mean tweets she made on Twitter during her confirmation. Here was an honor she will probably never see again, just because she could not control her tongue, especially at a very crucial time.
This is my opinion: I believe President Trump lost his re-election because of not being able to control his tongue. I also believe he could have been one of greatest American Presidents in history if he had the one attribute that distinguishes greatness from mediocracy, character. He had courage and good motives but lacked character and godly wisdom that goes along with a godly character.
A least twenty high profile professionals have lost their careers for words they used since the death of George Floyd by police in Minneapolis, Minnesota [1]. I don’t have to name the names of all the celebrities who have lost careers over a bad choice of words. They have been highlighted in the news over the years. One word alone, the “N” word, has cost some millions of dollars in lost wages and ruined their reputation and career. You would think by now people would have learned not to ever use it, but some still do and sometimes at a very high cost. It is a derogatory term and a slur, a form of hatred toward another human being, a word that should disappear forever.
So, how does a person control their tongue? Here are 7 tips based on the Proverbs of the Bible from above:
A new relationship: Have a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. “The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions,” Proverbs 10:11. According to these verses, there is quite a contrast between the believer and the non-believer. I don’t mean to say that all non-believers are wicked, but they do lack the indwelling power of God to speak words that are life giving rather than life wrecking. Neither do I say that all believers know how to use their tongue. So, it is not a matter of “the good, bad and ugly;” For the Bible says, “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: 11There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. 12They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one,” Romans 3:10-12 KJV.
- “There is none that doeth good, no not one.” This means that outside the righteousness of God there is none. The only good in man, that meets God’s high standards, is the righteousness that is imputed by Christ the Lord. it is a matter of where your relationship is; it is either with God or Satan. That is the distinction in this proverb, those who relate to God, the godly and those who relate to Satan, the wicked. There is no middle ground; your are either with God or without God.
- Use gentle words: this kind of nature comes through bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit, which resides within each believer: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, goodness and gentleness…” Galatians 5:22. “Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit,” Proverbs 15:4.
- Speak with wisdom instead of folly: Wisdom comes from God to those who seek for it. Wise words bring healing whereas cutting remarks tear down: “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” 12:18
- Avoid harsh words: The indwelling love of God avoids harsh words and uses kind words instead: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger,” Proverbs 15: 1-2. Harsh words provoke people to anger, which can result in violence and harm. “The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words,” -Unknown. It only takes a second to say a harsh word, but the resulting hurt can last for years.
- Avoid life threatening, uncalled for words: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences,” Proverbs 18:21. There is a time to be quiet; the words you say bring consequences that could cause bodily harm or even death. On the other hand, the right words at the right time to the right person can preserve life.
- Think before you speak: “The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words,” 15:28. There is a technique that has been used in several applications that can be used in thinking before you speak, especially during a confrontation; it is called the T-H-A-N-K-S technique. All that is necessary is to pause and think about each step as you respond:
- T-imely: Should this be postponed to a later time when things cool down?
- H-elpful: Say only words helpful to the present situation.
- A-nger: Anger only begets anger; learn to control it in all situations.
- N-ames: Never let name calling, linked with profanity, leave your mouth.
- K-ind: Use only kind words in a kind tone of voice.
- S-pare: Spare others feeling by not condemning or criticizing them.
- Develop wise thinking: “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness,” Proverbs 15:1-2. Thoughts use the physical organ of the brain to give the commands to take action. Developing wise thinking is a result of supplying our brain with the kind of information essential to a smart tongue, which controls what you say.
This development does not depend on anything other than feeding your mind with the precepts of God’s Word. Without developing wise thinking, here is how the Bible describes the tongue of the natural man, James 3: 7-8: “For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” Based on this verse only godly, wise thinking can overcome the fleshly, unruly, evil tongue
Solomon gathered many proverbs that had to do with how you speak and how to keep yourself out of trouble. What you say and how you say it can bring a lot of trouble or it can keep you within the limits of safety and well-being. Here are several more Proverbs to think about:
● “Where there is much talk there will be no end to sin, but he who keeps his mouth shut does wisely,” Proverbs 10:19.
● “The tongue of the righteous is like choice silver. The heart of the wicked is of little worth,” Proverbs 10:20.
● “The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off,” Proverbs 10:31.
● “He who has a poor opinion of his neighbor has no sense, but a wise man keeps quiet,” Proverbs 11:12.
● “There is one who speaks rashly like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise heals.” Proverbs 12:18
● “Truth’s lips will be established forever, but a lying tongue is only momentary,” Proverbs 12:19.
● “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of fools gush out folly,” Proverbs 15:2.
● “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but deceit in it crushes the spirit,” Proverbs 15:4.
● “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from Yahweh (God),” Proverbs 16:1.
● “An evildoer heeds wicked lips. A liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue,” Proverbs 17:4.
● “One who has a perverse heart doesn’t find prosperity, and one who has a deceitful tongue falls into trouble,” Proverbs 17:20.
● “Even the foolish man, when he keeps quiet, is taken to be wise: when his lips are shut he is credited with good sense,” Proverbs 17:28.
● “Getting treasures by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor for those who seek death,” Proverbs 21:6.
● “Whoever guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles,” Proverbs 21:23.
● “By patience a ruler is persuaded. A soft tongue breaks the bone,” Proverbs 25:15.
● “The north wind brings forth rain: so a backbiting tongue brings an angry face,” Proverbs 25:23.
● “A lying tongue hates those it hurts; and a flattering mouth works ruin,” Proverbs 26:28.
● “One who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than one who flatters with the tongue,” Proverbs 28:23.
● “Have you seen a man who is quick with his tongue? There is more hope for a foolish man than for him,” Proverbs 29:20.
The above verses are from The Bible in Better English (BBE).