Understanding and Managing Anger

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:” Ephesians 4:31.

The first thing to consider is that anger is a God-given drive, given for self-preservation and standing firm in the faith. The Bible teaches anger itself is not sin according to Ephesians 4:26, “be angry and sin not.” So, what causes anger to be a sin? When anger results from our pride, which contradicts God’s purpose, it becomes sin. We can tell if our anger is a sin if it is directed toward the offender instead of the solution to the problem. 

We also know our anger has turned into sin when we seek retribution and retaliation instead of resolution. It is never in our favor to seek vengeance; it only exacerbates the problem instead of resolving it. The reason it is never appropriate to take revenge is vengeance is for God only: “To me belongeth vengeance and recompense….” Deuteronomy 32:35.

Never provoke others to anger by your inappropriate actions. When we understand that there is a difference between triggering someone to anger and being angry when there is a real cause, we can significantly reduce the amount of anger in our life. Most of our anger is caused by personal pride and an unneeded drive to defend ourselves.

Righteous indignation against sin and its consequences is the only acceptable kind of anger. The shootings in schools and other places, the abuse of little children, and injustice, to name a few, should make any Christian angry. The terrible unjust war that Putin has waged against Ukraine that has cost the lives of thousands and destroyed the infrastructure of the country is something to be angry about though there is nothing that we can do to stop it. There is so much in the world that is against the ways of God. So, the question is, how Can we manage our anger? That is where anger management comes in.

So, what is anger management? Anger management uses proven techniques to help cope with the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that cause anger and turn them into something productive and healthy.

Twelve proven strategies to manage your anger:

1. Step away: This is the most uncomplicated strategy that anyone can do.When you are angry and upset is no time to argue over an issue; you need time to cool down and rationally think about the subject. To debate the topic, can only exacerbate the problem, which can lead to aggressive behavior.

2. Carefully Evaluate Your Anger: After calming yourself down, you then ask yourself why you are angry. Are you mad because you have been offended, or is it because someone’s rights are violated? 

Here is an example of a person’s rights being violated: Recently in a New York City, a woman was attacked and abused by a man in a crowded subway car. She cried out for help, but no one came to her defense. I know that in a case like that, you put yourself in the harm’s way, but how could you not offer to help.

Another thing to consider when you get angry is, was the other person right, which may be hard to acknowledge, but it is essential, to be honest with yourself.

3. When you are alone, sit down and write down the things that trigger your anger: You no doubt will discover many things that make you Angry are trivial and not worth becoming angry over. The important things need some consideration as to how they may be resolved or dissolved. It needs to be dissolved if a relationship is emotionally abusive or toxic. Life is too short to waste your time and spoil your right to happiness around a mean, toxic person. 

Sometimes anger might be positive if it gives you the courage to make a change or take a stand on that which is right. On the other hand, it can be damaging if it harms a relationship or causes you to say or do things you regret later.

There is a need to determine if you are expressing your anger in an unhealthy way, which can cause mental, physical, and social problems. It is a harmful approach when your anger focuses on another person rather than the problem. 

4. Head off your anger before it reaches a boiling point: When you are confronted with a situation you know is making you angry, slow your emotions down by talking to yourself under your breath. Tell yourself that you cannot let your anger grow any further. Tell yourself that your anger will harm you if you don’t stop it now. The best approach is to get away at the first chance.

5. Find an exercise to reduce tension and get your mind off being angry: A brisk walk can be the solution or activities you can do at home if you don’t want to join a gym.

6. Change your way of thinking: Instead of thinking you always have to defend yourself, change that thinking by replacing it with you don’t have to always defend yourself because you are confident in who you are. Instead of thinking that you always have to come back at a person, realize that wastes time and will not convince anyone of anything. The best approach is to start dwelling on positive thoughts instead of negative ones.

7. Shut down the replay: Your mind tends to replay bad experiences repeatedly. Shut it down when it starts and replace it with positive thoughts.

8. Explore Your Feelings: Determine if your feelings are genuine or fickle. You can tell if your feelings are lying to you and correct them when that is the case.

9. Focus on Relaxation when you are angry: Find things that help you to relax. Different things help different people; for example, relaxing music is helpful to some, while engaging in a game may help others.

10.Learn ways to calm down: Discover ways to help you calm down, like talking to a friend you trust or a pastor or counselor.

11. Pray: If you believe in Jesus Christ, He has promised to be with you always: “Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen,” Matthew 28:20. That means He stands at your side, ready to help you in any. 

12. Recognize when you need professional help: If your anger seems to be uncontrollable, that is a sign that you may need to seek professional help.

Conclusion

Remember, the next time you become angry, don’t suppress it or push it into the background. Ask your mind: Why are you getting angry, and for what reason; is it worth the pain? Let your anger work for you to come to a solution for your betterment and not to your harm. Follow the blueprint of the Bible: “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterward,” Proverbs 29:11. In other words, instead of rushing to vent your anger, wait until you have had time to evaluate it and come to a practical solution.