Family

How to keep Your Wife Forever…

May 15, 2011 /

Written by Jimmie Burroughs

The recent separation of the former governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, is just another example of what appears to be the man having little time for his wife and not showing the love and respect she deserves. According to her own response, Schwarzenegger was impossible to live with and highly egotistical. She desired a deeper more intimate relationship. She said that she had been miserable and unhappy for years and had been thinking about divorce for a couple of years.

Let’s get a snapshot of this marriage: Arnold Schwarzenegger a famous movie star, then governor of the state of California for over 7 years, wealthy; she, Maria Shriver, a direct descendent of the famous Kennedy clan, her uncle president of the United States; she, a high profile Television Journalist for some 15 years, also wealthy. They, wealthy and living in a beautiful home in an exclusive neighborhood of stars; four children and all the amenities that wealth affords; by her own words she say she has been miserable and unhappy for years.

There is a powerful story here: Everything in the world will not replace a woman’s driving, innate need for love and respect because that is the way God designed her.

Biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher said, “I do think that there are differences between these two personalities that have left her without the romance and without the deep intimacy that she’s been looking for many years.”

It takes years of overt effort sometimes to bring the marriage down. The following story gives a good illustration:

The Saturday Evening Post published an article several years ago, entitled “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” It gives the reaction of a husband to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. Here is how it goes:

The first year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle, and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep throat going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rosini’s. I’ve already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”

The second year: “Listen, darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please? Just for Papa.”

The third year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey: nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something to eat. Have you got any canned soup?”

The fourth year: “Now look, dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes and finished the floor, you’d better lie down.”

The fifth year: “Why don’t you take a couple of aspirin?”

The sixth year: “I wish you’d just gargle or something, instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal!”

The seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”

It would be funny was it not so true; it is a good example of how a marriage declines over the years.

In my own counseling over the years I have notice a pattern; it seems that the reason for failed marriages is often the attitude of the man and that is he does not show the love and respect for his wife that she needs. I realize that there are two sides to every story but it is for certain that this one reason for failed marriages is a very prominent one and one that happens over and over again.
There is a Bible verse that sets the pattern for “How to keep a woman forever” that is so often overlooked by the man. It concerns the way God designed a man and a woman: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…” (Ephesians 5:25-27, King James Version)

In the previous verse there is this: “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”. (Ephesians 5:24, King James Version)

In these verses we see the way God created the wife to respond to the husband and how the husband is to respond to the wife. Yes I know that in this day of the feminist influence that the idea of a woman submitting to a man has grown in disfavor. Nevertheless that does not at all change the way we were created.

When you understand what it is all about, it puts it into a different perspective. For example, nowhere in the Bible is the wife told to love her husband but it is clear here in this passage that a husband is to love his wife and to love her with the fullest dedication just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

So here is the deal, a wife has an innate deep need both psychologically and emotionally for her husband to love her. She is so designed that when this happens that she responds to her husband and is drawn to him even to the point of submitting herself to him. On the other hand, if the husband does not show this fully dedicated love for his wife, it has the opposite effect, she is driven away from him and the relationship dies.

The controversy over whether or not the woman should submit herself to the man is no longer an issue when the husband truly loves his wife. What woman in her right mind would not be willing to submit to a man who loved her so dearly that she meant everything to him and he would willingly lay down his own life for her?

Keep in mind that we are not talking about an unexpressed love here but a love that expresses itself in everything and does so consistently.

By the way submission is not a bad word; the Bible in these same verses says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” Submission is a character trait for each and everyone, not just the wife alone. (Ephesians 5:21, King James Version)

We are to submit ourselves to one another. We are to submit ourselves to Christ who also submitted himself to the Heavenly Father. It is not a matter of who is more important. Jesus counted himself equal to the Father yet he submitted to him. The husband and wife are also equal but with different roles.

Back to where I started with the story of the separation of the Governor and his wife: when a husband no longer has time for his wife, his ego is so large that he thinks only of himself, then it is no wonder the wife experiences a miserable and unhappy life; he has pushed her away and deprived her of the very intimate and romantic experience that she is designed to have. It has caused her to lose purpose and taken away any sense of security. When you add unfaithfulness to this mix it completely destroys any remaining relationship and I would say that rarely can the relationship be mended.

So, “How to keep a wife forever” is as simple as loving her and consistently showing that love in all that you do.

Free Personal Development Newsletter

Who Is Jimmie Burroughs?

Jimmie Burroughs has been involved in teaching Personal Development off and on for more than 30 years.

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