12 Rules of Etiquette Every Christian Should Know
“Being considerate, respectful, and honest is more important than knowing which fork to use.” – Emily Post Institute’s golden rule
For Christians, etiquette is far more than knowing which fork to use. Because Christians represent Jesus Christ, it is of an essence that our actions are in accord with what the Bible teaches. The Christian standard for behavior is found in 1 Corinthians 10:31, which says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” The Christian goal should always be to honor and glorify God; that means not only in church but also at the mall, at work or anywhere we go. Our behavior reflects on Jesus and how others see Him, so good etiquette is always in order. Actually, the basic rules of etiquette are fairly simple: It concerns speech, respecting others, common courtesy, neat appearance, and control over your emotions. These things are what this article is about. Check and see if the following “12 rules of etiquette every Christian should know” are things you observe.
Appearance: People will surmise their feeling about you in a few seconds by your appearance. Your shoes should always be clean; oddly people seem to notice that first about you. Your attire and personal hygiene are extremely important if you desire to make a good first impression. You don’t have be a fashion plate. The point is to wear nice, even if not fashionable, clothes that are clean and pressed. Not everyone is concerned whether or not they make a good impression, but for Christians it is very important since we do represent Jesus and are His good ambassadors.
Speech: After appearance, others will judge you by your speech. By your speech you either show good etiquette or offensiveness. I’ve known no few Christians who were offensive in their speech, sometimes in order to attack others and sometimes to defend themselves. Attacking our brothers and sisters in Christ or anyone else is completely un-Christian behavior. Also, we as Christians should never feel the need to come to our own defense. We are, after all, the children of the King. We are part of the royal family of God. God has higher expectations of His children.
Ephesians 4:29, teaches us God’s expectation for how we are to communicate to others: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Consider this, if you boast, does your boasting edify or give grace to those who hear? Absolutely not. Keep in mind that when you boast, you are doing it at the expense of others who may not be as privileged or blessed as you. Again, in Ephesians 5:4 we read: “filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place.” Swearing certainly comes under the heading of foolish talk and is always out of place and impresses nobody. In every situation it is offensive to some, so why use it. It originated as the language of low lives and those with a limited vocabulary but now has become common place in movies and the American society. Nevertheless, It has no place in good conversation.
Good conversation is communicating with others in a way that does not offend. A good conversation should never be a monologue with you doing all the talking but instead a dialogue, back-and-forth. When you monopolize a discussion, you may find yourself being avoided by others. A good rule of thumb when talking to others is the 80/20 principle: Listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time. By all means speak with respect and gentleness. The Bible says, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,” 1 Peter 3:15.
A secret that some have yet to learn is that we never need to tell everything we know. Here are some things to be kept to yourself in any conversation: medical problems, wealth, family quarrels, your personal love life, gifts, age, honor, disgrace, and past forgiven sins. If you eliminate all above, some may think there is nothing left to talk about. Not so; a person who is well read has unlimited subject matter. However, it is always best to talk in the other person’s interest if possible, and if not, excuse yourself and walk away; I don’t mean in a rude way but with tack.
A Christian who has the love of God residing within should never knowingly be rude to others. Bad manners and poor etiquette take away from the message we bear. We are aware that the gospel of Christ is offensive to the unsaved world, 1 Corinthians 1:23. If the message offends, so be it, but it should never be the messenger. Jesus came to this earth and took on our customs, dress, and our manners in order to show us the way to God, Philippians 2:5–8. Should not we as His followers practice proper etiquette in order to follow in His footsteps and by doing so lead others to a saving knowledge of Christ the Lord?
Punctuality: It is rude to be late. It says that your time is more valuable than anyone else’s. Keep in mind, when someone is waiting on you, you are using up their most valuable asset, their time. You probably would not want to cost others money for waiting on you. Is not their time more valuable than their money? According to the Bible, we are to take others into consideration: “Look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others,” Philippians 2:4. You can take others into consideration and avoid being late by planning to be fifteen minutes early. When I have an appointment to meet someone, if they are late, I only wait 15 minutes and leave. My time is valuable to me whether they consider it to be or not.
Gratitude: Showing gratitude is a rare quality among human beings. That should not be so because first, we have so much to be thankful for toward God. Each prayer should include our genuine gratitude. “In nothing be anxious but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known unto God,” Philippians 4:6-7. Also, we owe gratitude to others: If someone has gone to the trouble of buying you a gift or helping you in any way, it is proper etiquette to thank them or to send then a note to thank them. Forget those preprinted thank you cards. Take the time to write a note and sign it, and please don’t wait too long in doing it.
Handshakes: Handshakes may seem to be a small matter, but actually they give a lot of information to the other person about the kind of person you are. If you are the kind to lay your hand in someone’s like a dead fish, they will probably be thinking “Yuck” what a loser this is. The other extreme is trying to crush the other person’s hand to prove what a man you are. It is now acceptable for a man to initiate a handshake with a woman, but he should never touch her otherwise without her permission: This means that it is unacceptable to hold her hand or even touch her during a conversation. A gentleman will always show proper respect to a woman. Learn the proper way to shake hands by checking out this interesting video: handshake.
Cell Phones: Of course, there is no specific Bible verses concerning cell phones; however, the verse quoted above applies here also: “Look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others,” Philippians 2:4. People fail to consider the interest of others by misusing their cell phones in all kind of ways:
• If you are in a public place and are speaking so loudly that everyone knows your business, that is a turn off.
• Restaurants are places where people would rather not be disturbed with your phone activity. Therefore, it is best in the interest of others and your own self to turn your phone off and concentrate on enjoying your meal in calm and peace. There are exceptions: When you are expecting an important call, excuse yourself and go outside to take it.
• Never text or talk on a phone when you are talking to someone. That is not giving full attention where it is deserved.
• Have you ever been in a movie theater and someone lights up their phone? What a distraction that is. Cells should be silenced, or turned off in places where they cause a distraction, when possible.
• It is now against the law to text and drive, but many still do it and endanger their own life and the lives of others. I have seen people text in church and other important meetings. How rude is that?
Deaths: The problem here is that people don’t know what to say to someone who has lost a friend or loved one. You may add to someone’s grief by what you say, but you cannot take it away. The best way to handle this is by expressing your sincere condolences and nothing more other than offering your help if needed. Attend the funeral if at all possible. Follow the instructions in the obituary as for sending flowers. Sometimes the family will prefer that you send a donation to a charity instead of flowers.
Personal space: In the U.S., personal space is considered to be a distance of about three feet between you and the other person. If someone seems uncomfortable as you step closer, back off a bit. Isn’t it strange that more people have not learned this? I have had people come within a foot of my face who had bad breath; what a turnoff. Be aware that each culture has a different level of personal space. When you travel, learn how close you can get to people without being rude.
Gossip: Make it a rule to never gossip. When you talk behind a person’s back, it often, somehow, gets back to that person and it reflects badly on you, and also you can become the subject of gossip for that person. Although others may be egger to hear gossip, they will think poorly of you for gossiping. Dinning out: If you invite someone to dine, that means you pay. If it is a group and you say, “Let’s go to a restaurant,” in this case, everyone pays for themselves. When you have an appointment to dine with someone, arrive early before your scheduled time. Be sure to follow the basics rules for almost every dining situation. Avoid having your elbows on the table. Put your napkin in your lap. Use the flatware starting with the one farthest from the plate. Don’t talk with your mouth full, and keep your voice at a low conversational level. Always be polite to your server, and show your appreciation by giving a generous tip.
Showing respect: Show respect to those who are older and wiser than you. Use yes sir and yes mam when appropriate. It is better to call a man of God pastor or brother rather than preacher. Use Mr., Mrs., or Miss when appropriate. Treat police officers and public servants with respect.
Common Considerations: Never spend more than 15 minutes on a phone call; it is better to meet with a person face to face if you have more to talk about. If you are a longwinded talker on the phone, keep in mind that others may not be and are uncomfortable talking to you for that reason. Call first before you pay a visit. Knock before you enter a closed door. Don’t block others. For example, blocking the isle in a grocery store. Scolding other drivers by honking at them over something you do or have done yourself is downright dumb. Taking up two parking places or waiting to move out at a green light and causing those behind you to have to wait through another red light is so inconsiderate. Interrupting others while they are speaking is rude. If someone offends you, don’t retaliate by returning the favor or raising your voice; by doing so you lower yourself to their level. Just smile and walk away. At the core of all the negative actions above is failing to respect and consider others.
Finally: We may not be able to do all the things we know are right to do at once. God does not intend that. He wants us to grow spiritually as we go through life. Our prayer should be: “Dear God make me into the person you created me to be.”
Written by Jimmie Burroughs