6 Simple Rules for better conversation
Rule #1: Learn a person’s name and use it in your conversation. When introduced to a person for the first time, it is easy to let the name fly right over your head. The reason for that is our mind is already busy taking in a lot of other things about this new person. Therefore, it is necessary to focus attention on one thing and that is hearing the name clearly. If at first you do not get the name, ask the person to repeat it. They won’t mind doing this. During the conversation use their name but don’t overdo it. You can start by saying, John, it is good to meet you. From time to time during the conversation, you might want to ask an open question beginning with the person’s name. for example, John tell me something about your work? Or, John have you lived here long and what are some of the things you like about this area?
It is amazing that I have known people for years who are yet to call me by my name. Don’t they realize that a person’s name is the sweetest sound on earth to them. Why wouldn’t you want to make a person feel good by saying their name? Some actually believe that you have to know a person for a certain length of time before you use their name. Not so. It is very impressive to a person if you immediately begin calling them by their name.
When you are introduced to a new person, repeat their name over and over in your mind, and then when you walk away write it down so you will have a hard copy to remind you the next day when you will likely have forgotten the name.
Make associations to help you remember a name. However, be sure you don’t use the association rather than the name. Associations really work. For example, I met a man over 40 years ago and I only saw him a few times after that, and it’s been close to 40 years since I last saw him. However, I still remember his name because I made a strong association. His name was Earnest Lane. He was a fisherman who lived near the Mississippi River in a trailer. Earnest had been an Olympic runner and even though he was 74 years of age, he continued to run each day to keep fit. To remember Earnest’s name, I pictured him running in earnest up and down the long lane that led up to his trailer. Earnest also had a facial feature that helped; he had a crease between his eyebrows that kind of looked like a little lane.
Another example: I met a man in Florida some time ago who was staying in the same RV park that I was. One day he introduced himself; his name was Russ. That was an easy association for me since my father-in-law’s name was also Russ. For the rest of the time I stayed there, a few months, I called him by his name each time I saw him; although, he never called me by my name. I don’t guess he made an association, or perhaps he didn’t think he had known me long enough to say my name. Could also be he didn’t care about making others feel good.
Rule #2: Talk in the other person’s interest. If the other person knows the rules for good conversation, they will also talk in your interest. However, most of the time they will not and the conversation will likely be about them and their interest. Even then, you can interject something of your interest from time to time.
Anyway, this type of conversation can be interesting depending on the person as well as your desire to know more about them. The best way to talk in another’s interest is to ask them open ended questions about themselves, not personal questions, just general things that people don’t mind to discuss. Avoid asking questions which can be answered with one word like yes or no.
Rule #3: Never monopolize the conversation. Let it be a back and forth dialogue. A good rule of thumb is to listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time. With some, it is hard to talk any of the time. When you run across a person like this, how do you deal with it? Unless what they are saying is really interesting, it is best to politely excuse yourself at the first opportunity.
Rule #4: Make eye contact with the other person to let them know you’re fully engaged in the conversation. The thing to remember is that you want the other person to feel that you are giving them your full attention and not your phone or other people or things around you. It is so distracting to try to talk to someone and their attention seems to be elsewhere. It’s okay to glance away and break eye contact from time to time but in general it is best to retain eye contact. Try to keep a balance between in looking into their eyes and briefly looking away. Avoid staring a person down; this could make them very uncomfortable.
Rule #5: Respect a person’s privacy zone. The personal privacy zone is three feet, about an arm’s length. If you notice a person backing away, you are too close.
Rule #6: Avoid breaking the conversation off abruptly if possible. If the conversation seems to be going nowhere, is boring, or completely one sided, you may desire to end it and find a more suitable conversation with someone else. Without interrupting the other person, find a suitable place and kindly say, “It is good to have met you, or good to see you again” and walk away.