The Ten Commandments of Human Relations
“It is not until you have the courage to engage in human relations that you grow.” – Gary Zukav
1. Love others: This is the first commandment in good human relations. It is based on God’s second commandment of the 10 commandments: “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” Here are some other Bible verses on love concerning good human relations:
• “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another,” John 13:34.
• “We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother,” 1 John 4:19-21.
• “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another,” 1 John 4:11.
• “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others,” Philippians 2:3-4.
• “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another,” 1 John 4:7-21.
• “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses,” Proverbs 10:12. (Verses from ESV Bible)
2. Call people by their name: Remembering names are very important in human relations.
• If you remember someone’s name and call them by it the next time you see them, they will feel complemented that you thought them special enough to remember their name.
• Remembering a name is the first step in developing a more meaningful relationship.
• It is very impressive to a person to think you took the time to remember who they are.
• Remembering a person’s name adds to the power of their first impression of you.
3. Be friendly: If you desire to come across as friendly, you must first take the time to learn some social skills. Here are a few tips that will help you improve quickly:
• Determine to take the first initiative: If you wait on the other person to take the initiative, it may never happen. Don’t feel rejected if you don’t hit it off. It is impossible to be friendly with some people. They simply don’t want to be bothered. It is something everyone experiences if they determine to be outgoing.
• Sometimes it is necessary to take the responsibility to make a conversation two way: For example, when someone mentions something they are doing or like, you can add to the conversation by mentioning your own experience or likes along those same lines.
• Make it a point to be kind and show appreciation: This does not mean that you are to be cowed down or unassertive. People respect a person with confidence and self-esteem.
• Evaluate your own strengths: Everyone has their own strengths. It may be that you need to recognize what yours are and build on them to strengthen your self-esteem and increase your self-confidence. Remember, you must first approve of yourself if others are to approve of you.
4. Be humble: Here are several things you can do to help you learn humility:
• Give others credit but avoid taking credit. If what you do is worthy of credit, others will take notice. You don’t have to pat yourself on the back. That is not acceptable behavior and makes you appear to be a braggart.
• Praise others. It is easy to resent others for their achievements rather than giving them credit where credit is due. That is personal pride, which makes us envious or resentful. When you have the opportunity, be sure to let others know you appreciate them for what they do well.
• Admit your mistakes. It is always easier to pass the blame rather than to admit we made a mistake, but by admitting our mistakes, we make ourselves look better in the eyes of others.
• Learn from others. No one knows it all, so learning from others is a good way to increase one’s knowledge with little effort. • Help others succeed. There is a lot of gratification in helping someone else to succeed. The results can be our own success.
• Be last. Being willing to let others go first is a sign of having compassion rather than focusing always on self-interest.
• Serve others. Serving others rather than being served is one of the greatest acts of humility. Being served is not equivalent to being important. Jesus was of the greatest importance but insisted on serving others.
5. Be pleasant: Think about it: It is just as easy to be pleasant as it is to be unpleasant and has far more benefits.
• Pleasant people are happier.
• Pleasant people are more enjoyable to be around.
• Pleasant interaction with others contributes to wellbeing and happiness.
• Pleasantness builds relationships.
• Pleasantness is contagious; it spreads over into the lives of others.
• Pleasantness leads the way in making a good first impression.
6. Smile at those you meet: It takes less muscles to smile than to frown, so why not give in and do something the makes you look and feel far better.
• Dale Carnegie said, “The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.” Further-more the Bible teaches a good expression:
• “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart; good news makes for good health,” Proverbs 15:30.
• “A joyful heart is good medicine, but depression drains one’s strength,” Proverbs 17:22.
• “A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit. A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash. For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast,” Proverbs 15:13-15.
• “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them. The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad, Psalm 126:2-3.
7. Take an interest in others: Taking interest in others builds your self-esteem and gives the feeling of doing something good.
• Offer those you meet a friendly greeting. It only takes a few seconds of your time to make a person feel important just by the way you treat them.
• Use a person’s name as you greet them. Dale Carnegie, in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” wrote, “If you want to win friends, make it a point to remember them. If you remember my name, you pay me a subtle compliment; you indicate that I have made an impression on you. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of importance.”
• Acknowledge people with a pleasant hello, good morning, etc. This is a way to show others that they are people of value. • Listen carefully with interest to what others say. People can sense when you are sincere and when you are not, so be sure that you are genuinely interested and not just being polite.
• Take time to encourage people. You can help others more than you could ever imagine when you just take a little time to encourage them. It is amazing what a few simple words of encouragement can sometimes do to enhance a person’s life. It is sad that we don’t make encouragement a regular part of our life.
• Acknowledge special events. They are important in people’s lives. Also, remembering special events in other’s lives is so important in building relationships.
• Ask open ended questions. Ask questions that require more than one-word answers. This shows others that you are interested in them.
• Always show respect. You show your respect by your actions toward others. If you expect others to respect you, you must first respect them.
• Compliment others. A sincere compliment can make a person’s day and it requires almost nothing.
8. Show gratitude: Showing gratitude is a rare human attribute. By showing gratitude you are far ahead of most in your understanding of human relations.
• When you think about all you have to be grateful for, it keeps you from constantly dwelling on the things you don’t have which you think will make you happier. It helps you to realize that happiness does not come from material things but instead from attitude. Also, it helps you to be content with what you have.
• The first place to express gratitude is to God. Find at least five things each morning to thank God for. This will give your day a positive start.
• Let others know you appreciate them by thanking them when they help you in any way.
9. Always do what you say you will do: Someone said, “Say what you mean, mean what you say, and do what you say you will do.” Here are some things that will help you to always to do what you say you will do:
• Always be very careful when saying what you will do. Make sure first that you are certain that you can deliver. Be careful to make commitments but conscientious to carry them out when you do.
• Start 15 minutes early so you will always be on time when you have an appointment.
• Learn to say no when you know you can’t do what someone wants you to do, or you don’t want to do what they want you to do.
• Do what you know is right and not what others think is right for you.
• Do the best you can do at what you do.
10. Be honest: “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” – Thomas Jefferson.
• It has long been said that “Honesty is the Best Policy.” Why do you suppose that is? The primary reason is that lies become a tangled web that imprisons you and always catch up with you sooner or later. When that happens, your credibility is damaged and your character besmirched.
• Honesty is an essential building block and cornerstone for good character. It defines who you are and points to your success in anything you do.
• By no means is honesty always the easiest thing to do, but it is always the right thing to do.
• It is not easy being honest when you have something to lose like your job or a much-wanted promotion, but in the end, it is the only right choice.
• Honesty may not always seem best short term but is always best long term. There you have it. I’m not saying this is everything concerning good human relations, but it is certainly an excellent start.
Written by Jimmie Burroughs