Destructive Negative Emotions
Emotions, both negative and positive, are innate in all human beings. There is a great difference in the positive emotions that empower us, and help to keep safe and the negative ones that can create danger to self and others. The solution to negative emotions is to take control; I don’t mean to ignore them or suppress them. Negative emotions are real and need our attention. We do have the ability and power to take charge. Our first need is Emotional Intelligence, the need to become aware of what negative emotions are and secondly how to deal with of them:
Emotional Intelligence
“Emotional intelligence (EI) is most often defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments. Although the term first appeared in 1964, it gained popularity in the 1995 best-selling book “Emotional Intelligence,” written by science journalist Daniel Goleman. Goleman defined EI as the array of skills and characteristics that drive leadership performance.” [1]
If you don’t possess emotional intelligence, which is learned knowledge, you may not understand how to control what you are feeling and thus not see the potential problem and its destructive nature. When these negative emotions get out of hand and become destructive, poor decisions are made and dangerous events could take place. The Bible has the best recommendation on how to deal with negative emotions: “Be careful [anxious] for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God,” Philippians 4:6(KJV). The bottom line is, pray, trust God, and then leave the circumstances up to Him. Let’s improve our emotional intelligence by learning about some of the emotions that beset us the most:
10 of the most destructive, negative emotions
1. Worry
Worry is part of the anxiety drive and is an emotional state listed among other negative emotions. These are the emotions that can cause both mental and physical issues. A study published in 2000, claimed that anxiety is the number one factor regarding the onset of heart disease. [2] Worry can negatively affect you several ways physically. It affects your spleen and weakens your stomach. Worry also triggers changes in the activities of neurotransmitters of the brain, particularly serotonin, which have to do with your feeling of well-being. Thus, the more you worry the more prone you are to worry and the more you are apt to have the feelings of sadness and depression. Excessive worry also accompanies weakened immunity, high blood pressure, chest pain, and early aging. According to a study this year, a combination of these symptoms can, not only challenge your physical health but can also affect social relationships. We know that worry disturbs our peace of mind and cause sleeplessness. The problem with worry is when it overcomes a person and is out of control. Everyone experiences worry; it is normal, but it can become abnormal. The Apostle Paul was able to deal with worry and replace it with contentment, but it required him learning how to do it as we see in the passage below:
“But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. 11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things, I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.”
Paul, like most of us, had experienced his share of good times and bad times. However, unlike some of us, he learned to be in charge, overcome, and therefore experience contentment. I believe verse 13 in the passage above explains how he was able to do so: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” First Paul is not saying that we can do everything that comes to mind but only those things which are in God’s will for us to do. It would not be in our best interest to do things outside of God’s will. So, seeking God’s will in everything should be our first priority when trouble comes and worry enters the mind. It is that kind of bold belief that Paul had that drives out worry. Again, it comes down to the matter of obeying and trusting God and then leaving the outcome to Him.
Years ago, Dale Carnegie published a book entitled “How to Stop Worrying and Start living. I read it and highly recommend it.
2. Stress
Stress is another common human experience. It is believed by some medical professionals that stress is the origin of many of the diseases that plagues humanity.[3] The lack of confidence in God’s ability to care for our needs is the cause of much of our stress: The Bible speaks of The Positive Power of Confidence: “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. 36For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise,” Hebrews 10:35-36 (KJV). What confidence does God promise His children? His promise includes peace, power, provision, privilege, which are some of the things; those are not the things that we could imagine that we are capable of having or doing and rightly so; the foundation and source of our confidence is the indwelling presence of God through His Holy Spirit.
What cause a lack of confidence? The environment we grow up in can cause the lack of confidence when there is a feeling of rejection. Growing up in an atmosphere where is seems that you are unliked sometimes beginning with parents and extending to others around you, can turn people into chronically reluctant adults who lack confidence. Listed below are some additional things which can cause lack of confidence:
- Traumatic events: Broken homes and relationships and abusive relationships.
- Physical appearance: A Poor image of the body, body shape, hair loss, or disability, can cause the lack of confidence.
- Comparing self to others: Thinking others are smarter, better looking, have more things or money, more successful, etc. This overlooks personal abilities and creates doubt in a person’s own ability to achieve.
- Failure: When we work at something only to see it fail, it can crush the spirit. We sometimes forget that the most successful have failed more than they have succeeded.
If you can identify with the things above, take the time to examine your heart carefully. What is it that causes you to feel inadequate and why? God has made you a unique person different from anyone one else on the planet. According Psalm 8:5 (KJV), God has crowned us “with glory and majesty!”
How do we develop confidence? The kind of confidence that stands the storms of life is not a self-confidence; it is the godly confidence that comes from Almighty God:
- We first need to have a relationship with God and then get to know Him through the Bible. It takes a serious desire to learn about God by studying Scripture, which helps to develop a godly confidence, a confidence that is unshakable regardless of circumstances.
- Meditating daily during a quiet time allowing God to speak to our heart through His indwelling Holy Spirit.
- Keeping the line of communication open through frequent prayer. Prayer changes things.
- Let the focus be on God instead of circumstances. During times of trouble when we feel the weakest, the Holy Spirit will comfort and strengthen us.
- Depend on God’s grace. God’s grace is available during times when we are in great need: “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me,” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV).
When we look to God for confidence to stand regardless of what we face, He will never let us down. He loves His children and supplies their needs.
3. Fear
Fear is another common feeling in the ongoing list of negative emotions. Fear is a primary cause of anxiety, which can lead to physical weakness and numerous other problems relating your renal health, which influences the kidneys due to the part of the brain that controls the kidneys slowing them down and causing frequent urination. Fear also alerts the adrenal glands, which in turn produce more stress hormones severely effecting the body.
Fear is God given drive; when used as intended it protects the body from danger. It is only when misused that it becomes a negative influence on the body. Once again, the answer is taking control and trusting God.
God knows what anxiety and fear does to us, and cautions us in His word: Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths;” Proverbs 12:25 – “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.” Satan is our enemy who seeks to use our fear and anxiety against us. Fear and anxiety are his tools. Jesus tells us that in the world we will have trouble, John 16:33, He says, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” Jesus is telling us to be of good cheer because like Him we can also overcome the troubles of the world, but to do so, we must trust in Him.
4. Hate
A 2003 study stated that hatred raise the long-term risk of growing high blood pressure in young adults, and the more severe the behaviors, the higher the risk.[4] The Bible has some alarming things to say about those who hate: 1 John 3:15, “Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.” 1 John 4:20, KJV: “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” 1 John 4:20, KJV: “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” Proverbs 10:12, “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.”
5. Anger
Anger is another God given drive and when used moderately toward those offences against God and others, it is positive, but when used in an inappropriate way it causes physical issues: A recent study published in 2015 reported, “the risk of a higher heart attack is 8.5 times after two hours following an outburst of anger. This result was made after analyzing a connection between acute emotional causes and high risk of serious cardiac episodes. This anger brings a burst of energy temporarily which blocks the brain area that helps you distinguish true or false.” [5]
7. Loneliness
There is a difference in being alone and being lonely. There are also different meanings from person to person; to some, being alone means rest and quiet, while to others it means loneliness and grief. I can understand the difference because to be alone without God is a horrible condition, while being alone with God is a bit of heaven. It is a time of growth for believers to be alone with God. Jesus often went aside to be alone with the Heavenly Father. The great men of the Bible were alone when great encounters took place. For example, Moses was alone in the backside of the desert when God met with him in a burning bush. Failing to be alone with God means lost blessings.
The feeling of Loneliness can have an effect on health; according to medical science, it can cause the brain to produce more stress hormones in turn producing more cortisol, which is a cause of depression, high blood pressure, and sleep deprivation. According to a study in 2022, social isolation and loneliness can cause serious health problems especially in older people that can lead to a weakened immune system, strokes, and heart attacks.[6] The good news is that it can be reversed with intervention. Relatives and friends can include those who tend to be lonely in gatherings or visit with the to give then the opportunity to socialize. Then, sometimes it may require the help of medical providers.
6. Sadness and Grief
Dealing with sadness and grief is common for every normal human being. Even Jesus showed sadness and grief at the death of His friend Lazarus. However, there is a positive and negative form of sadness and grief. Sadness and grief can be longest of the negative emotions. For some it lasts for the rest of their lives and hinders their wellbeing. It can have long lasting effects on the body. According to a report posted in 2022, “sadness, coming from the heart, leads to damaging the lungs and then comes back to injure the heart.” [7]
While it is normal to feel sadness and grief on occasions, it is still one of those emotions that needs to be addressed and controlled:
How to deal with sadness and the grieving process
Although sadness and grief are an inevitable part of life, there are things you can do to help you overcome them and continue with your life:
- Accept that it takes time to recover from loss, and that there is no set length of time that fits all.
- Understand that your sadness and grief may differ from others and requires a different process from theirs.
- You need to recognize your pain and not try to ignore it.
- Accept that sadness grief may incur other unexpected emotions.
- Those who care for you can help you in the process of dealing with your sadness and grief, so don’t hesitate to call on them.
- Don’t neglect to continue to take care of yourself emotionally and physically.
Understand that there is a difference between sadness, grief and depression. Sadness and grief can work like a Medication to help you to recover, while depression is destructive both emotionally and physically.
9. Guilt
The Bible refers to guilt as an evil conscience and gives the remedy: “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water,” Hebrews 10:22.
How to Overcome the feeling of Guilt
- Ask God to forgive you of the sin that causes guilt.
- Forgive yourself.
- Apologize to others for any wrong toward them.
- Discuss your feelings with someone you trust.
- Depend on God to not only forgive but to also strengthen you to deal with guilt.
An evil conscience is a form on self-punishment and a destructive emotion that calls for a recognition from whence the guilt came and a determined change of behavior. Undoing the damage done requires some real action, apologizing, asking God’s forgiveness, forgiving yourself, and a determination not to let it happen again.
10. Discouragement and despair
The Bible has a remedy for discouragement and despair: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding,” Jeremiah 29:11.
How to conquer discouragement?
Discouragement is a heavy burden that makes life seem unbearable; nevertheless, there is hope in the Lord: The key to overcoming discouragement is to remember and apply God’s promises to our lives. Paul was a dedicated servant of the Lord. Nevertheless, he had many occasions to feel discouraged, but that did not stop him or keep him from moving forward. It was from a Roman prison cell that he wrote the goal that should be the mantra for every Christian: “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus,” Philippians 3:14. After all the rejection, beatings, and discouragement Paul’s eyes were on the ultimate prize: hearing the Lord say, “Well done thy good and faithful servant!” Paul recognized something that would help each of us to have a positive view of what we may consider pain and suffering: I first heard Dr. J. Vernon McGee say, “God will not let you suffer if it does not accomplish His purpose in your life.” The following Bible verses undergirds that:
- Our citizenship is in heaven, our present problems on earth are only for a season: “For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ:” Philippians 3:20
- God will work out everything, even the toughest of circumstances for the good of those who love Him: Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.
- Never doubt or be discouraged because we can trust God with our lives: Psalms 55:22, “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”
Conclusion
In the name of Jesus our Lord and savior and through the power of His indwelling Holy Spirit, we must take control of our negative emotions immediately: 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; 5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
Foot notes
[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5579396/
[5] https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150224083819.htm