Gentleness, an Essential to Personal Growth
(Worry Less and Live More by including gentleness into your lifestyle)
“A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.” – William Hazlitt
Introduction: This article concerns lifestyle and how to improve your lifestyle. For example, today’s article is about making gentleness a part of your lifestyle. Lifestyle is important; it is connected to many diseases and to length of life.
Actually, until 1929, there was no such word as “lifestyle.” Psychologist Alfred Adler coined the word because he wanted to reclaim free will as determining factor as to how one chooses to live. Adler was unable to accept the Freudian philosophy that our lives are completely programmed by what happens to us in the first five years of childhood.
So, there are many types of lifestyles. One connected to this article is worry. Worry can become a lifestyle, which turns into stress and is a result of how we think. According to modern research, “Stress could quite possibly be the common cause of all modern disease, and so-called diseases of lifestyle. Stress, chronic, prolonged, on-going at low levels can wreak havoc on the body.”
The lifestyle we should aim for is one that reduces worry and focuses on living more as noted in the subtitle above. The key is to LIVE. Ironically, many miss the point of living. A child can’t wait until they are a teenager; a teenager can’t wait until they are grown; when they are grown, they can’t wait until they are married; when they are married, they can’t wait until they have children; when the children are grown, they can’t wait until they retire. When they retire, they look back over their life with a chilly wind, as they realize they missed it, and now it is too late.
Slam shut the steel door of the past and the future and put a padlock on them. Live for today. Worry Less & Live More Formula: Here is a worry formula that Willis H Carrier came up with over 100 years ago. Carrier was an engineer who developed a piece of machinery for the company he worked for. As it turned out the machinery did not work well and the company stood to lose $20,000, over a half million in today’s money. Carrier was worried sick, could not eat or sleep. He at last decided to devise a way to conquer his worry, so he came up with the following formula, which has been used by many the past 100 years. Another man, Aristotle, who lived over 2,000 years ago, came own with his own formula for worry, which he taught and used. It is similar to Carrier’s but a little different. So, I combined the two and added my own emphasis:
1. Ponder: Get all the facts, and determine what the problem is.
2. Prepare: analyze the facts and accept the worst possible outcome.
3. Proceed: Arrive at a decision after several considerations as what can be done and carry it out to improve on the worst.
While no formula can solve every worry; they can solve the majority. For example, if a doctor says you have a terminal disease and there is no known cure. The problem probably will not be solved and you will likely die. Nevertheless, even if we can only eliminate the majority of our worries, wouldn’t that be worth the effort?
The Practice of Gentleness Gentleness is associated with the ability to worry less and live more: A celebrity recently said, “Oh, women hate me. “I think it’s because I’m a child. I throw fits, I gripe, I complain. I’m moody. Every bad thing that a fella can be, that’s me.” That must be worrisome, miserable way to live; it is the opposite of gentleness: “Gentleness breeds peace, calm, and consistency of character. It is not volatile or abrupt in its response to the world.”
The Bible says, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things.” Galatians 5: 22. As we see in the verse above, gentleness is one of the nine characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit. There is only one fruit of the Spirit, which is defined by 9 attributes. If we are bearing the fruit of the Spirit, we are all of those 9 things. However, we may not be showing the fullness of any of them. We all are in a cycle of growth or in some cases a cycle of decline; hopefully it is a cycle of growth, but none of us is perfect. That means concerning our topic of gentleness, none of us is perfectly gentle. However, we should be striving to be.
Some may consider gentleness as weakness, giving in, or just being nice. Far from that, gentleness, in perfection, is an attribute of Jesus. Jesus was strong and bold but also gentle. Although gentle, Jesus could be tough if the circumstances required it. For example, He overturned the tables of the money changers in the Temple and drove them out with a cat of nine tails. Nevertheless, It was love that characterized the life of Jesus.
True gentleness requires love, and compassion for others. It is a sign of strength under control. We are talking about doing the right thing when it is called for, which Jesus did by driving out those greedy money changers from the temple. There are times when we must have a show of strength, call it tough love or whatever, but it is never to be in an attitude of losing one’s temper and taking out revenge. Strength is not resorting to aggression and violence; this is a display of profound weakness. Gentleness is a matter of strength and control.
Sadly, life sometimes controls us instead of us controlling life. We lose it and become tired and stressed out from dealing with the world, with all of its frustrations. This reveals our weak side, and as a result of it, by the time we get home in the evening, we are mean to the ones we love the most. The atmosphere of the home is tainted because of rash tones, harsh speech and sarcastic attitudes. How can we overcome this?
We must start by determining, despite of ourselves and the daily abuse we must tolerate, to be gentle and kind to others. Being gentle is being Christlike. It is being kind, courteous, polite and showing tolerance toward others, regardless of how we feel. Here are a few bible verses about being gentle: • “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger,” Proverbs 15:1. • “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy,” James 3:17. • “And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient,” 2 Timothy 2: 24.
Sometimes we need to objectively examine ourselves, in the light of Scripture, like the verses above. For the Bible says, “Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith,” II Corinthians 13:5. From time to time, we need to examine ourselves to know we are in accordance with God’s will, and we need to check to make sure that we are walking worthy of our calling.
We need to ask ourselves, “How do others see me? Do they see me as grumpy and unfriendly? Do I yell at others? Am I sarcastic? Am I rude and gruff to others?” How do you want others to see you? Do you want your actions to honor and glorify God? If so, you will have to cooperate with God. He wants to create in you the gentle person He created you to be, but you have to desire to be that person.
We can improve our outward self by self-improvement. Many books have been written on that subject, but that is not good enough for a child of God. God wants to change us from the inside out. He wants the Holy Spirit to guide our lives. He wants our life to be characterized by the fruit of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, meekness and temperance. Today’s lesson is on just one of those characteristics, “gentleness.”
How can we practice gentleness? Here are some ways: Firstly, get in Touch with Your Feelings: Feelings come out of our emotions and are real and must be dealt with before we can truly show gentleness or walk in the Spirit, as the Apostle Paul put it. It is easier to push or feelings aside rather than confronting them, but pretending will never make your negative feelings go away.
Confronting our feelings is determining what it is that is making us angry, or sad and then dealing with it in a constructive way. Here are some ways to deal with the feelings coming out of your emotions:
• Raise your Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EIQ): Develop a high emotional Intelligence quota if you want to deal with your emotions well. Having a high EIQ means you know how to handle your feelings without stressing or overreacting. You know that you first must have all the facts at your disposal before you can mindfully resolve negative feelings.
On the other-hand, if you have a low EIQ you will likely be oversensitive and be flooded with hurtful emotions and feel bad more often than you feel good. Take steps to improve your EIQ: First, understanding what EIQ means. It means that you are in tune with what you think; you are not prone to making hasty decisions on impulse; you are able to listen and clearly discern things as they really are; you know how to relate to others under all situations; you are concerned with the feelings of others. Secondly, objectively consider your reactions to determine if your perception is correct or if you are jumping to a conclusion without having all the facts. Thirdly, evaluate your feelings to determine why you feel the way you feel. Then you can challenge the validity of them and if they are valid, take the blame for them.
We cause our own feelings and we are the only ones who can change them, deal with them, accept them for what they are, and then move on. • Learn to live with your feelings: Feelings are a normal part of our emotions even if they are negative in nature. It is alright to have feelings. For instance, when we make a mistake, its normal to regret it; a feeling of guilt is a normal response when you hurt someone, etc.
Positive thinking is good, but it does not deal with the negative feelings when they come. Sometimes it requires time to move on. Even though feelings don’t last forever, experiencing pain is part of living on this earth. It can’t be avoided, but it can be minimized by accepting it and managing it.
• Set yourself for positive feelings: The natural human response is to find enjoyment and avoid pain. If we spend most of our time trying to avoid pain, there is little time left to find enjoyment.
First, we must take the responsibility to create situations for enjoyment. Decide what brings you pleasure and schedule it. It is easy to become so busy with responsibilities, that we ignore opportunities for enjoyment.
What is the benefit of life if you can’t enjoy it? It is impossible to avoid all the bad feelings of life, but we can learn to deal with our emotions, to minimize the pain and find a source of pleasure for ourselves. It is unnecessary to feel bad all the time or nearly as often as one might think.
Secondly, take advantage of the time between and event and your response to it: This is the difference between being reactionary and thoughtful. Immediate reaction often results in rash statements, words to regret later, and anger. The difference in the approach is motivated by whether you are gentle or not. Gentle people are not reactionary; they are slow to respond and take the time to think on how best to respond or if to respond at all. They know how to be in control of their emotions.
Thirdly, be concerned about the feelings and welfare of others: Gentle people are highly concerned and care about life: They have hopes and dreams that includes others and the world they live in. It is easy to allow the frustrations of life and the condition of the world to steal away the real purpose of life, which is to strive to make things better for yourself and others around you.
The world is not a hopeless, pointless place as some might think. There is beauty to be found; purpose; things to accomplish; improving your life and the lives of others; and making the world a better place. We all have experienced the bad times and wondered what comes next, but through it all God is still blessing us and still with us, wanting us to enjoy all the things He has given us. Fourthly, think about the deeper sense of purpose God has for you: God has a purpose for each person, and He wants you to find that purpose. Your life is important to God, and He wants you to be His good ambassador to the world bringing His love, joy and peace to others.
Gentle people realize there is a purpose that far ascends the mundane and worthless life some experience, and that it can be for everyone who will accept it. Jesus said, “I came that you may have life and that you may have it more abundantly.” Fifthly, take time to decide the direction of your life: The Apostle said in Galatians 6:7-10, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
God has given you the ability to choose: It is called “freewill.” It has been said that each person is the captain of their own life. That is not quite true for a believer in God. God is the captain; He has given His Holy Spirit to guide us through the voyage of life, through the storms, the Sholes and the calm and to bring us safely into the fair harbor.
For the gentle person, decisions are no longer based just on feelings, but on the leadership of the indwelling Holy Spirit. No longer are we alone: Jesus said, “Lo I am with you always, even until the end of the earth,” Matthew 28:20. To the gentle person the direction of life is determined by the will of God. The gentle person’s attitude is like the old hymn, “Have your own way Lord.”
Finally, learn from your experiences: Gentle people keenly observe the world about them. They are interested in themselves and others and all the experiences of life. They take all experiences as an opportunity to learn. They grow from them in order to better deal with the future and have knowledge to help others going through some of the same experiences. This is taking control of life rather than having it control you. The more control, the more effective you become as a servant of the Lord, and the gentler you become. Could it be that your life will be greatly improved if you learn “The Practice of Gentleness?”
Written by Jimmie Burroughs