Irritating, Condescending Behaviors

“By belittling others, we only show how little and shallow we are.” ― Abhijit Naskar.

There is a long list of destructive behaviors, but none is more irritating than being condescending toward others; none that makes you look like a person who does not care about the feelings of others. Sometimes we may not intend to be condescending; nevertheless, it may seem intentional to others and can make us look arrogant, and others feel inferior. It is always easy to tell when someone is being condescending toward us, but it is much harder to recognize when we are the same way to others. 

I hope no one thinks this article is condescending because there is a fine line between advising others concerning behavior and being condescending to others. In most cases, it is better not to advise others unless they ask for it, but since this is a Christian personal development site, it is acceptable. It is easier to advise others than to abide by your advice. I read an article recently about a well-known TV host who often tells the audience to treat others well, but it is well-known that this person does not treat the program staff well.

Please understand that I am still learning and have yet to achieve the level I want in Christian personal development. Even with the knowledge of what is right, we sometimes betray that knowledge. When it comes to being condescending, there are but a few things we need to change to be far ahead of most:

• Changing a negative attitude toward others
• Controlling negative facial expressions and body language
• Changing a negative vocabulary

Under the above three categories, listed below are things we should never say or do as well as things we should do.

I. Changing negative attitudes toward others

Some men dislike women in general; they are called misogynists. They always are condescending toward women and usually for no reason. Then some think they are better than others because of their financial status, social standing, or education, and they condescend to others, except for a few chosen ones. Below are a few ways to improve your attitude toward others.

Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions: Until you realize that you and only you are responsible for who you are, not your past, your environment, your family, or anything else, only then is there any hope that you will make some positive changes.

 Look for the best in others rather than the worst: We all have our faults, but we also have some positive traits, that in the human perspective, according to the Bible, there is none good. In other words, no one measures up to God’s perfect standard, and it does not matter how good you may think you are. However, in the world’s view, we can become better people.

 Be compassionate toward others: People get beaten down by life and need a little slack from you rather than always being quick to judge them. If you want to find fault, you don’t have to go far; take an objective look at yourself.

Let go of expectations: Most of the time, we expect far more than we can ever hope to get from ourselves or others. The best thing to do is expect nothing. Unrealistic and negative expectations, block the way to develop positive thoughts and actions.

II. Avoiding negative facial expressions and body language

Facial expressions and body language can say many negative things without a word. For example, you are stupid; you are lying; you don’t know what you are talking about; you are wrong, etc. A person who is concerned about the feelings of others can show it by being expressionless and avoiding all negative body language regardless of what they may be thinking about the other person; this enables others to express themselves freely without feeling put down by you. If you want to see how you appear to others, take the time to look at yourself in a mirror  and go through a few negative facial expressions. Below are some ways to control facial expressions and body language:

Use only positive facial expressions and body language:

• Vary your facial expressions and avoid angry expressions to make others realize that you are listening and are concerned about what they are telling you.
• Avoid folding your arms across your chest; this appears defensive.
• Appear relaxed and face the other person directly.

Keep eye contact. Make sure you look people in the eyes when you greet them or listen to them. However, it is also good to glance away occasionally; this makes the other person feel more at ease.

Relax: Avoid looking around the room when someone is speaking to you; this makes you look as if you are bored. Keep your hands relaxed but not stiff. Do use your hands for gestures.  

III. Cleaning up your negative vocabulary

If you hear someone make too many sarcastic remarks like “yeah, right,” “whatever,” “really,” “yeah, yeah, yeah,” or “I don’t want to hear it,” then it could be a sign they are being condescending. Perhaps, they don’t realize what they are doing. Nevertheless, they could be hurting the feelings of others. At worst, some may even say the opposite of what is proper to make someone feel or look foolish. If you want to avoid being a condescending person, quit using any of the above or the following phrases or actions:

I don’t believe you: Saying I don’t believe you to someone is like saying you are a liar and I don’t believe a word you say. That is a very offensive thing to say, especially to an honest person. For many, it may be accurate, but who are we to judge unless we know that a person is lying? Then what is the use of expressing it negatively? If you are right, it does not help, and if you are wrong, you have managed to hurt someone’s feelings or misjudged them for no good reason.

Raising your voice: Self-confidence overrules the need to raise your voice, being rude or vulgar. Using a loud voice to address others can backfire, causing others not to consider what you are saying, be offended, and want to put distance between you and them. 

Interrupting Frequently: Occasionally, there is a person who wants to dominate the conversation; then, to get a word in at all, interruption is acceptable. Otherwise, interrupting may signal that what you say is more important. In most cases, it is better to hold off until the person is finished to make comments or ask questions. Sometimes patience is required to hear a person through when you are already familiar with what they are saying; nevertheless, this is just good manners.

Being Inattentive during a Conversation: Failing to give the other person your full attention is condescending, and the way to avoid it is simply paying attention. Using your cell phone to make or reply to incoming texts is inappropriate and rude when talking to someone. 

Criticizing, Complaining, and condemning others: These three things can spoil a relationship or friendship faster than anything else. Doing these things never helps but always hinders an otherwise good conversation.

Talking Down to a Person: We often hear others say, “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way;” this is like saying to the other person, “That is too bad; Your feelings are not that important, and I don’t plan to change anything.” Instead, say, “I’m sorry to hear that; what can I do to help?” Helping another person can save a relationship or friendship when there is something that you can do.

Cracking Jokes at another’s expense: Humor is a good thing, but when a joke puts another person in a bad light, it is at that person’s expense and should always be avoided.

Conclusion

I’m sure you will agree that, at times, we all have exhibited one or more of the destructive behaviors listed above without realizing it. Remember, at the root of it, condescension is about having power over others and shows a personal sense of insecurity. The conversation’s purpose is to understand what others are saying and let others know what you are saying, and anything else clouds the discussion and renders it ineffective.

People are far more likely to remember how you made them feel than the words you said. Suppose you have recognized some patterns in your relationship with others from the above. In that case, you can make some changes that will improve relationships and raise the opinions of others about you. Making others feel small so you can feel bigger is an excellent way to wind up with no friends.