10 Ways to Win More Friends & Influence More People…

Written by Jimmie Burroughs

The impression that many have about Influencing People and Winning Friends is that it is by their looks and the things  they have, car, home, clothes etc. While it is true that people are attracted by those things, they fall short of developing true friendship and influencing others. True friendship takes time and a lot of effort.

Here are 10 things that really work that are expanded on in this article:

1. Stop thinking the world revolves around you and start looking for ways to give value to others.

2. Learn how to be a good listener.

3. Use a person’s name each time you have the opportunity.

4. Complement others when it is due.

5. Talk about the other person’s interest.

6. Quit condemning, complaining and criticizing.

7. Smile often.

8. Be fun to be around.

9. Be friendly to others first.

10. Don’t talk about your own problems.

The world doesn’t revolve around you:

The primary thing anyone must get pass in order to make friends and influence people is the me, me, me syndrome of being totally connected and only concerned with self.

It is a turn off to be around a person who is forever talking about themselves or their family and interests. It is refreshing however for a person to ask you specific questions concerning your own interests. Example, hey Bob I heard that you bought a new car…tell me about it or hey Bob that is a great new car you are driving, may I look it over. I have driven up to visit relatives in a brand new car and they had nothing to say about it let alone want to look at it.

People will discern when you are truly interested in them as a person so don’t try and fake it. People are interesting and getting to know them and what they are about is very intriguing, otherwise the movies would be dead. Movies are all about other people and what they are doing so if you are too tied up in yourself to take notice of others you are missing some very interesting things.

There is a familiar verse of scripture that says, “It is more blessed to give than it is to receive”. Now that is a secret that many are yet to discover, but it is true. For example, at Christmas time what are you more interested in, what you got or the pleasure of seeing your love one open the gift that you got for them?

There is great gratification in helping others and watching them achieve things that they otherwise would not, had it not been for your help.

Learn to be a good listener:

Being a good listener is an art to be learned that we are not born with. I have known women, as a single person, that were interested in me that I could also have been interested in them had it not been for their inability to pay attention when being spoken to. Paying attention gives the other person the impression that you are interested in them as a person and consider what they have to say as important.

To be looking over another person’s shoulder or around at others while they are speaking is defiantly a way to turn others off and away. Look a person in the eyes when they are speaking to you and respond to what they are saying with gestures, comments and questions.

Some of the things others have to say may not always be interesting but they still deserve the respect of your attention.

Always call a person by their name:

Use the other person’s name from the very instant you learn it. To get it in your memory, say it over and over in your mind. The sound of their own name to another person is one of the best sounds in the world, so if you are interested in being a friend or influencing someone, there is no better start than learning their name and using it often.

Avoid nicknaming people unless they already go by a nickname because it could be offensive to them whereas their own name never will be. Also be sure of the correct pronunciation of other’s names as well as the spelling, if you are to write their name. My name is often misspelled; Instead of Jimmie it is often spelled Jimmy. I’m always impressed when people get it right. And since there are two ways of spelling it, only those who ask are sure to get it right.

Asking others to repeat their name is never offensive if they see that you are interested in getting it right. Some will not correct you however if you get it wrong and it can be embarrassing to call a person by the wrong name until one day latter on you learn that you have been mispronouncing it.

Complement others when it is due.

I have known those who would not complement another person if their life depended on it. I have also known some who used flattery constantly. Of course flattery is aimed at gaining a person’s favor while a complement is just showing appreciation. A complement should always be deserved; the best complements are not those on how good looking a person is because that is something they had little to do with but on the other hand a complement on their good taste in clothing, for example, is always appropriate.

Another thing, in this day and age, that a person must be aware of is that some complements can be taken as sexual harassment even when not intended. Care must be taken especially by men when complementing a woman and especially someone he has just met or barely knows. To complement a woman’s figure is not in good taste unless she is a wife or girlfriend.

Even a complement concerning a woman’s hair can be construed as sexual harassment; so all care must be taken to be appropriate when a man complements a woman. Complementing her good work or the car she drives is on the safe side but her personal appearance might not be; just a word for the wise.

Talk about the other person’s interest:

One of the key ways to befriending someone or influencing them is by talking in terms of their interest. If  you start talking to a person about football that has absolutely no interest at all in football, they will leave as soon as possible. If though you find out that they like gardening and begin to ask questions about different types of gardening, they will talk as long as you want to talk about it and think you are the greatest person.

You may be thinking, why is it I have to always be talking in someone else’s interest and why can’t I talk about my own? We are talking about influencing people and winning friends; if that isn’t your interest then talk about whatever you please but it will not win you friends unless what you are talking about just happens to be the interest of the other person also.

This could very well be the eleventh on the list of winning friends but it also fits here. Don’t be a known it all. If you are the type that always has to one up a person on everything they say it will be a major turn off. Example, Bill tells you he just got a brand new Ford car and you reply; yeah, I just got a brand new Cadillac.

Don’t be showing the other person up by how much more knowledge you have about a particular subject. If they ask you a question about it, that is different but don’t go improving on everything they are talking about; just listen and let them tell you their story.

I’ve known people that it does not matter what subject you bring up, they are an expert on it and know it all…boring. Remember, you learn by listening not talking.

Quit condemning, complaining and criticizing:

We all have the tendency to do those things. Even if the person you are talking to is all three, they don’t want to listen to you if you are. None of those three things ever help any matter; they only set up a negative atmosphere.

Being free of those attributes also gives a person a better attitude and enables them to talk in terms of things that are helpful and constructive instead of the negative.

I know people who have one line of conversation and that is president bashing. They say it over and over and are really boring to be around. If they were talking about real solutions to the problems that the government and the country faces, it could be a very interesting conversation.

Smile often:

A smile is a most attractive thing and will cause someone else to smile when nothing else will. And is takes less effort to smile than it does to frown. A frown can scare, intimidate and drive people away faster than anything while a smile draws people and puts them at ease.

Be fun to be around:

Who wants to be around a stick in the mud that has a frown and is constantly complaining, condemning and criticizing? The answer is no one but that person who is jolly, laughing and having a good time is the life of the party.

Anyone can learn to be the life of the party. Just be glad to be alive and with others who want to be in your presence; loosen up and lay your concerns aside for a while and enjoy yourself. Forget about the heavy stuff in life for a little while and see how good it makes you feel.

Be friendly to others first:

If you are really interested in making friends and influencing others, be the first to greet someone else and be outgoing and show interest in knowing more about them. And of course there is the right and wrong way to do this. It does not need to be the thirty questions sort of thing or appear as to be prying but it can be in a casual way getting to know someone. Most people are eager to talk about themselves and what do.

Don’t talk about your problems:

Unless you are talking to a therapist or counselor, keep your problems to yourself. Others are burdened with their own problems and are usually not interested in hearing about someone else’s.

Another way to bore others is telling the details about your last surgery or complaining about all your aches and pains. It is amazing that this makes up the conversation of some. I wonder how they think that is going to interest others. On the other hand an exciting story about a camping trip where a bear came into the camp and tore down the tent and ran everyone to the car might get some interest and laughs.

People do love stories about exciting experiences but not stories about such things as personal problems especially health problems unless they include something funny or unusual then maybe they are in order. In general talking about your personal problems is not the way to make friends and influence people.

Conclusion:

The above suggestions are all part of personal development. They are about becoming a better person and taking a greater interest in others.

Winning Friends and Influencing people happens when you make it a priority and learn how it is done. Anyone can learn the 10 things mentioned above if they really want too.  The reason many don’t is because they either don’t know what they are or they can’t get pass the “me” thing.

I have great confidence in the progress you are going to make.

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Jimmie Burroughs is the author of JimmieBurroughs.com ; get more tips on personal development: www.JimmieBurroughs.com

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