How to Fight With Your Mate Without Destroying Your Marriage

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Written by Jimmie Burroughs- Email this article to a friend

It is near impossible for two to live together without some disagreement. Disagreement is actually OK; otherwise, what would be the need to have two if both were identical in everything. Different views of anything can be constructive. The secret is not to let them become a wedge that separates rather than complementing and uniting. Hopefully this paper will give you some tips on how to fight with your mate without destroying your marriage.

Around one half of all marriages wind up in divorce but that is not the full story. If 5 out of 10 divorce, 3 stay married for reasons other than love and that only leaves 2 out of 10 who have any measure of satisfaction in their marriage. There are some good guidelines, if you are willing to implement them, that will help you to avoid things that harm your marriage and also things that you can do that will keep your marriage from becoming yet another casualty. It is essential, if you want your marriage to last and be successful, that you stop tiptoeing around each other and tackle your problems head on. You will need to learn how to clearly and fairly express yourself, and confront and deal with your weaknesses.

Below are ten great guidelines for conflict that my late wife wrote in her Bible years ago. She never told me about them, and I never knew about them until recently when I was looking through her old badly worn Bible. but as I think back, I can see that she lived closely by them. They describe her attitude so well. They must have worked well; for 44 years we shared some wonderful times together. Here they are:

1. Focus on the problem or the issue and not the person
2. Do not try to avoid arguments with your mate by tip toeing around a difference
3. Learn not to pout or sulk
4. Do not approach a conflict with a winner attitude but rather in an attitude of  resolution
5. Never threaten your mate
6. Never use the “D” word (Divorce)
7. Never use physical attacks or abuse
8. Never try to force your mate to accept your opinion
9. Never allow anger or bitterness to enter your discussions
10. Never go to bed angry at your mate

Compromise is the key to arriving at a satisfying resolution to conflict. No one should expect to have their way completely all the time. If you truly love your mate and have their best interest at heart, it is not that difficult to work out a solution to any conflict. However, if you are selfish and determined to always get your way, then you are in for some stormy weather ahead in your marriage.

One of the biggest problems in marriage is that people don’t have a realistic view of marriage when they enter into it. Too many feel like the first conflict means the marriage is over. Healthy marriages have many conflicts and resolve them and continue to have an even stronger marriage. Second to the first mentioned problem is when two immature people marry. Marriage is no place for immaturity. If you are married and immature, you better start growing up fast, if you want to make your marriage work.

If you have a rose colored glasses view of what marriage is supposed to be, then you need to reconsider. Marriage presents a lot of problems that have to be worked out. The “happily ever after” scenario often presented in movies it not at all how it is in reality. Reality is very harsh and demanding at times and puts a strain on any marriage.

Marriage is hard work to say the least; it certainly is not all play and games. Decisions must be made; work must be done and someone has to be responsible to see that those things happen efficiently. There are some basic fundamental questions that any couple considering marriage should discuss. If you can’t reach an understanding before you marry, it is not likely to work well once you are married. There are responsibilities that must be addressed concerning, housework, paying the bills, having kids, buying a house, how much to spend on entertainment, how to budget, and personal freedom to continue to pursue your own dreams and have your own friends, etc. If these things are not dealt with, they can gridlock a marriage.

Marriage requires an understanding of people skills, how to treat others with fairness and how to get along with another person with a different temperament and different ideas and ways. Marriage is filled with valleys and peaks and to think all is going to be smooth sailing all the time is a sign of gross immaturity. Too often people get out of one marriage just to carry the same un-dealt with problems right into another relationship which soon causes that relationship to fail also.

Keep the line of communication always open in your marriage. If there is glue that holds marriages together it has to be good open communication. Communication brings understanding and understanding brings closeness. Never having the time to discuss the feeling and needs of your mate is going to lead to disaster. It is extremely important, so make time for it.

Don’t let your marriage get bogged down in the routine responsibilities of life until there is no room for fun and romance. Like most everything else in marriage there has to be a plan and a time allotment. Be sure to plan for fun and enjoyment. Plan to do things together that you both enjoy and make specific dates for them. It is easy to let your marriage get into a rut where there is no fun or excitement left. If that be the case it is time to do some serious reviving.

Conclusion

Marriage in my opinion is the very best life. I’ve lived single for a number of years now, and there is no doubt in my mind that marriage brings the most satisfaction and contentment. But, if there are unsolved problems that linger and especially if there is unfaithfulness, then marriage could certainly be a heavy burden. If both are willing to put forth 100% effort and be honest and faithful with each other, then there can be a forever relationship that builds up each person and gives the greatest fulfillment that life offers.

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