Exposition of Matthew (Matthew 19:1-12)

October 15, 2021 

(Jesus’ last days of earthly ministry)

Questions to be answered in this study 

1. The Pharisees had two views on marriage and divorce. What were they?
2. What does the design of the male and female bodies reveal concerning God’s plan for His creation?
3. What is the Biblical foundation for man and woman becoming one flesh in marriage?
4. What is the difference between a marriage license and a marriage covenant?
5. What are the two aspects of marriage often overlooked in any discussion of divorce?
6. The Pharisees focused on ending the marriage covenant. On what did Jesus focus?
7. What was the only reason Moses permitted divorce?
8. Why was it crucial during the time of Moses for a woman to be given a bill of divorce?
9. What would have happened if Moses had not permitted divorce?
10. According to Paul, what was the only way the one-flesh union could be dissolved?
11. There are two views on how the one-flesh union can be dissolved. What are they?
12. If a person is divorced without a Biblical reason and remarries, do they commit adultery repeatedly as long as that marriage lasts?

Introduction

I realized as I wrote this article that there would be those who have divorced and remarried. Therefore, if you are in that category, please don’t go away before you read this article. It is not intended to condemn you in any way. In fact, you will be will be freed from some of the misconceptions concerning divorce and remarriage and will have a positive outlook on your present marriage even if it is not your first marriage. So, read all the way through the article before you form any kind of opinion.

Previously, Jesus has been teaching His disciples the steps to be taken when a believer falls into sin or when someone offends by their actions. Today’s study continues in that line of thinking. When Jesus finished His teaching on forgiveness and reconciliation; He then left His adopted hometown of Capernaum and traveled south toward Jericho, where He crossed over the Jordon River into the region of Judea to an area called Perea in that day; this was near Jerusalem. So, some of the Pharisees came over to test Jesus with questions.

Large crowds were following Jesus, and this was unusual because influential people were generally feared and avoided. The Pharisees were fearful that the large crowds might gain the attention of the Romans, who might consider it a revolution; this could hinder their power-sharing arrangement with the Romans and endanger their way of life. Therefore, they are constantly trying to discredit Jesus by tricking Him into some falsehood with their questions. 

On this occasion, the question they asked Jesus had to do with marriage and divorce; this raises the question as to why the Pharisees would be concerned about what Jesus thought on this matter. As Matthew said, they came to test Jesus. So, what was their purpose? One purpose was to cause Jesus to side with a division among the rabbis who were divided on the issue of divorce, therefore, alienate Jesus from one or the other of the two groups.  

Now that Jesus was in Perea, the territory of Herod Antipas’, the Pharisees were also attempting to trap Jesus by getting Him to say something that would offend Herod. Herod Antipas was in control of the area of Perea. Back in Matthew chapter 14, he had imprisoned John the Baptist and ultimately beheaded him over the subject of marriage. John had publicly offended Herod by accusing him of an unlawful marriage to his brother’s wife, Herodias, which was an act of adultery. Now, after that lengthy introduction, let’s begin our study:

Nearly 2,000 years ago, the Pharisees (a religious sect) of the New Testament came to Jesus and asked Him this question: Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” Matthew 19:1 (NKJV). At that time, among the Pharisees, there were two views on marriage and divorce. First, there was the conservative view which was that the only grounds for divorce was moral unfaithfulness. Second, there was the liberal view that anything could be grounds for divorce. The liberal view is widely accepted today.

Jesus answers their question in Matthew 19:4-6: “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

There is a movement today that goes against the very way God created humans. The design of the male and female bodies reveals the union God had in mind when He established marriage, one man and one woman. One of the most significant purposes of marriage, according to the Bible, is to replenish the earth: “And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth,” Genesis 9:1 KJV. Only a man and a woman can do what God commanded.

God created Adam first, and then from his flesh, He made woman. Man and woman were not created separately and then commanded to be joined together. The foundation for man and woman becoming one flesh is that they both originated from one flesh, which is inseparable in God’s sight. The Bible is clear on this: In Mark 10:9 KJV, Jesus said, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” This declaration is based on the way God created males and females. They are not to be separated because they are one flesh. Therefore, Jesus answers the question on divorce by pointing back to how God designed marriage.

Today, the law requires a marriage license for marriage to be recognized by the Federal Government as a legal marriage. However, that was not the way God created marriage. God intended marriage to be a covenant between a man and a woman created by exchanging the wedding vows. The difference between a marriage license and a marriage covenant is, a marriage license is a contract; it has loopholes and can be broken, whereas a covenant has no loopholes and is not to be broken. When God made a covenant with man, it could never be broken. He, therefore, expects the same of man. A marriage covenant is the promise wedding vows make, designed to last until death do us part. When established by the wedding vows, a marriage covenant is part one of the marriage union; part two is when a one-flesh relationship is consummated on the wedding night or later by the first act of sex.

The Apostle Paul confirms this: “Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh,” 1 Corinthians 6:15-16 (KJV). You can have a one-flesh relationship without a covenant through fornication, but it is not of God. It has not accomplished what God intended through the wedding vows; it is an immoral act of sin.

On the other hand, it is possible to have a marriage without a one-flesh relationship, which is the case when the marriage is not consummated through sex for whatever reason. So, marriage, in God’s sight, is when vows are exchanged and a physical union is formed. By the way, a marriage license in itself does not make a marriage. Without a covenant being created through the exchange of vows and a physical union, there is no marriage in the Biblical sense.

You can end the marriage with a divorce, but you cannot undo the one-flesh union. In other words, the divorce dissolves the marriage covenant in the sight of the law, but it does not dissolve the one-flesh relationship in the sight of God. These two aspects of marriage are often overlooked in any discussion of divorce. That was the case with the Pharisees when they asked Jesus the question: “They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? Matthew 19:7 (KJV).

The Pharisees quoted from Deuteronomy, Moses’ instructions on divorce, to challenge Jesus: “When a man hath taken a wife and married her, and it comes to pass that she find no favor in his eyes because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house,” Deuteronomy 24:1 (KJV).

In the Hebrew language, uncleanness is “erwah,” which means nakedness and implies infidelity or adultery. Therefore, according to Moses, divorce was allowed when a wife was unfaithful. Jesus was not saying that a marriage could not be broken, but instead, He noted that the one-flesh union could not be broken. The Pharisees focused on ending the marriage covenant, and Jesus focused on the impossibility of breaking the one-flesh union relationship, which, when established, could not be changed.

Then Jesus tells the Pharisees why God allowed men to end their marriage covenants: “He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery,” Matthew 19:8-9 (KJV).

Notice the words Jesus uses here: He says that Moses permitted divorce. There is a difference between allowing something and putting your stamp of approval on it. God enables us to do a lot of things of which He disapproves. Jesus is clear on divorce that God never approved it from the very beginning. The only reason Moses permitted it was the Children of Israel’s minds were set on it because of their hard hearts.

In our society today, people are allowed to divorce for whatever reason; the most common cause is unreconcilable differences; to put it simply, they can’t get along with each other because of their selfish, self-centeredness. Compromise is sometimes necessary to keep a marriage together. At least, we should be willing to compromise or do all in our power to save the marriage. Sometimes a marriage can be preserved even if there are so-called Biblical grounds for divorce. 

In the time of Moses, women had no rights in marriage; it was up to the husband to decide on divorce because women had no legal rights to break the marriage covenant. Even if a wife burnt the bread, a husband could give her a bill of divorcement or send her away, leaving her homeless and destitute. Jesus called it the hardness of heart or the husband’s unwillingness to forgive. 

In those days, a woman may just be sent away by her husband without a bill of divorce, which jeopardized her ability to survive. Before another man could take her in as his wife, he had to be assured she was legally divorced, and if not, he could be accused of adultery, which could result in the death sentence. Under those conditions, if a woman was sent away without a legal divorce, she may be forced into prostitution or starve to death.

Women being sent away from home with no legal way to remarry would have happened if Moses had not permitted divorce. The divorce certificate saved women from being mistreated by a domineering husband or the inevitable disaster from being sent away without a divorce. 

Another consideration is, while divorce ended the marriage legally, it did not break the one-flesh union. That is why Jesus says in verse 9 that even if there was a legal divorce, it does not end the marriage union. If there were remarriage, it would be adultery; this means the one-flesh relationship can never be broken as long as a person lives. Paul confirms this in Romans 7:2-3 (KJV), “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” 

According to Paul, the one-flesh union can only be dissolved in death. Therefore, when one of the partners in a marriage dies, the other can legally remarry in God’s sight. Jesus did give one exception: If one was guilty of fornication or having sex outside of their marriage, divorce was permittable. However, that begs the question: Does immorality break the one-flesh union that Jesus said could not be broken?

The above is a complicated question to answer. There are two views; I will share both, and you can decide which you believe is correct. The first interpretation is commonly accepted by the church today; if a person commits fornication, it dissolves the one-flesh union freeing the other person to remarry.

The second interpretation is far more complex. It is the contextual interpretation. Jesus, in other words, is speaking in the context of the marriage relationship of that day. In those days, marriage was different from what it is today. Notice that Jesus uses two words that have different meanings. The first word is “fornication,” immoral sex relations before marriage; the second is “adultery,” which is immoral sex with another person during the marriage. We must understand what Jesus meant when he said fornication was the grounds for divorce. Don’t forget that Jesus said that which God has joined together no man puts asunder. We must answer whether fornication or engaging in an extramarital affair ends a one-flesh relationship? If it does, then we can separate what God joined together. We already know that is impossible. So, in the contest with the marriage of that day, what does it mean?

The above was a specific situation that Jesus was talking about when He said fornication was the only way divorce was acceptable. What was that particular situation? Marriage in Jesus’ day began first by establishing a covenant. After that, an indefinite period would pass before the one-flesh relationship was established or consummated through sex. The first step was the betrothal. Betrothal was more than the modern-day engagement; it included the marriage covenant or marriage vows, and a dowery was paid. When this took place, the couple were considered married even though they had yet to consummate the marriage. Sometimes it would be weeks, months, or even longer as the groom made preparations to secure a place to live, etc.

During this period, the man and his wife did not live together but waited until the provided time when they could come together. Here is the crucial point: Although they were legally married, they had not yet become one flesh, or the marriage was not yet consummated. During this period, if one union member was unfaithful and committed sexual immorality (i.e., fornication), they could acquire a divorce, which was required since the covenant still existed. Since the marital relationship was not yet consummated, the one-flesh relationship would not be broken; this opened the way for a new marriage for the betrayed spouse.

Joseph experienced this situation: When Mary became pregnant with the Christ child, she had already been betrothed to Joseph. Joseph assumed she had been unfaithful. According to Matthew 1:19 (KJV), Joseph being a righteous man, loved her and did not want to make a pubic scene and cause her embarrassment, so he decided to divorce her secretly to spare her the humiliation. However, before he could go through with it, the Angel of the Lord came to him and informed him that Mary was pregnant by the Holy Spirit and was not unfaithful, that she had been appointed to bear the Christ Child.

The only permission for divorce would be fornication during the time of betrothal before the one-flesh union was established; that, I believe, is what Jesus means in His proclamation on divorce. If the one-flesh relationship has not yet been established, divorce is permissible, as is remarriage. The evidence that this is what Jesus meant is that He used the term fornication in verse 9 instead of adultery, which is generally used to describe sex before marriage or before the consummation of marriage. Adultery describes the sexual sin after the consummation of marriage. In summary, if a person finds themselves in a situation before the wedding is consummated where one member is unfaithful, then divorce and remarriage are permissible. Otherwise, it is not. According to Jesus, there also should be no remarriage after divorce when there has been a one-flesh union; it would be considered adultery.

Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (KJV), reaffirms this: “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the LORD, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” Paul, quoting Jesus’ instructions, says it is best to remain married or reconcile if separation occurs, but if there is no reconciliation, then there should be no remarriage; there is no other option given. There are times with separation is necessary when there is abuse involved, but that does not provide the right to divorce and remarry.

There are five takeaways to consider in the summary of Jesus’ instructions on marriage and divorce:

1. Divorce is only permissible when there is extramarital sex during the betrothal period before the marriage’s consummation.
2. Remarriage is only permissible if extramarital sex happens before the one-flesh relationship is established.
3. If divorce happens after the one-flesh relationship has been established, remarriage is not permissible.
4. If marriage happens after the one-flesh relationship has been established, it is an adulterous marriage.
5. Logic tells us that there is a time when separation is necessary; for example, when there is abuse involved, or the children are in danger, but that does not give permission for divorce and remarriage.

I realize that for most, the Biblical standard for marriage and divorce is shocking. That is the response we see from the disciples in the following verses:

Matthew 19:10-12 (KJV), “His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

Jesus rejected the liberal view of marriage and divorce and expanded the conservative argument to include some things the church, in general, does not practice today. The disciples responded by saying, wouldn’t it be better to remain single? Under God’s plan, it is one marriage for life. So, it is understandable that the disciples are wondering if it is worth it to marry and be miserable with someone you can’t get along with and have no Biblical way out.

Jesus disagrees with the disciple’s take and says that only a few need to live that way. He names three exceptions: First, some are born with the perplexity to live single. Second, some are restricted from marriage because they have been made eunuchs to serve the king. Third, some may choose not to marry to be free to use their life serving the Lord; they have the gift of being single. For the rest, according to the Bible, “it is better to marry than to burn,” 1 Corinthians 7:9 (KJV). That means to live with constant lust. Marriage has its problems but so does the single life, and of the two alternatives, marriage seems best.

One fact is, married men live longer; so, there must be an element of contentment in marriage not present in a single life. I’ve spent most of my life married and can attest to the fact that married life is a much better choice, at least for me. It does require a lot from me that may not be necessary if I were single. I can’t remember who made the quote, but I believe it is very accurate: “I don’t know if you married the right person or not, but if you become the right person even the wrong person could become the right one.” The vital responsibility for every person in a marriage is becoming the right person through Christian personal development. I said Christian personal development because it changes from the inside and is not just an outward façade. The opposite of Christian personal development is selfishness, which seems familiar among marriages today and is one of the most significant causes of marital problems.

.Most people find comfort in marriage and have a natural, solid desire to love and be loved. If you fall in that category, seek marriage and then hold on to it with all of your might until death do you part. Go to God for His help in making you into a new person who cares for the needs and welfare of others. Come to Jesus for His saving grace if you haven’t already; therefore, you have the assistance of the indwelling Holy Spirit to help you become the right person and have the right concern for the other person. If you are sincere about this and desire that kind of help and Biblical instructions on how you may do CLICK HERE.

I know that not all will agree with what I’ve said today, and that is alright because this is not an easy subject to understand, and I don’t claim by any means to have all the answers. There is certainly room for disagreement. So, if you believe Matthew 19:9 permits divorce and remarriage when infidelity is involved, you hold to the common interpretation generally held by the church today; you, therefore, are in good company. On the other hand, I am responsible to my readers, not to mislead them or to influence them wrongly concerning marriage. If I’m to err, I prefer to err on the high side; therefore, if I’m wrong, no damage is done.

Over the years, some have made the grave mistake of holding up a red flag to anyone who has a divorce. That is wrong! Who are they to condemn another for sin when they are also sinners? God is indeed against divorce, but He is also equally against every form of sin. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin; that sin would be blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, which is rejecting the invitation to believe in Jesus as Lord and savior. All other sins are forgivable.

Finally, here is the good news: The point is, if you are divorced and remarried, stay married and do your part in making that marriage a success. You may say, but didn’t God say I’m living in adultery and will be committing adultery every time we have sex for the rest of my life? No, that is not what God is saying. He said you commit adultery by remarrying. He will forgive you of that second adulterous marriage, and then you can live together like it was your first marriage.